I 'overslept' about 40 minutes this morning. Hubby said, when I finally got up, that he was getting concerned as I don't normally continue to sleep like I was. It was only 40 minutes, come on! But I was tired, and still am, for that matter. I've got to start eating better and start exercising to regain my strength. It's just so easy to eat what I want and sit on my butt. But this week, as I've already shared, I was busy driving here and there and doing other things. I did make it to Mesa yesterday, got to see a lot of people, and visited some during lunch before heading back home. When I got home I had lots of messages to work my way through and things to get done. Then needed to head off to meet this other person for a quick dinner. She got caught in traffic so was late getting there, and next thing I new it was 6:45PM and I knew I needed to head home. Tried to do some homework for our Bible study when I got home and was able to complete one day of it.
Which made me think of something else. This Saturday I had the thoughts of doing some cooking and taking over to my neighbors. I keep telling them I'm going to, and I haven't done it yet. Wanted to fix a pot of soup and some other things and just drop off to them and visit a bit. BUT.... I think what is weighing on my mind is that last Monday evenings our Bible study group decided to do a group service project THIS SATURDAY and join Teen Challenge in serving pizza to the homeless and going around and talking with them, hearing their stories and all. Normally I am for it; I'm up to it. But for some unknown reason, I'm not wanting to go this time. What is wrong with me? Jesus served the poor, why don't I want to go? Could it be that Saturdays are the only day I get to 'chill' and get things done I want to do? I don't know. I've gone to serve the homeless before. I've sat with them and heard their stories. I've done this before and I don't have a problem with doing it. Am I just tired? I'm just not getting that happy feeling about doing it... and yet, I don't want to let the group down by not showing up. I haven't talked to hubby about it yet... I KNOW He doesn't want to go, and if he knew I didn't want to go, well, that would be the end of it. But I feel we need to do it to be part of our group. I'm torn. Not sure what to do. So I'm praying that God will give me the answer. And it will probably be that we need to go and serve pizza to the homeless. Sigh. Sometimes we have to do what we don't want to do because it is in that, that God blesses the work of our hands. I haven't TOLD my neighbors I was cooking for them this weekend. I can't use that as an excuse. Unless hubby absolutely says no... I guess we will be going. I'm just tired of thinking about it, trying to get past my 'I don't want to go out and be sociable' feelings.
What would Jesus do? How often was he so tired he could barely make it? He never turned anyone away, but would always serve them in some way. I have no excuse. I've got to get my 'want to' built up.
Hebrews 4:12 (NKJV): "For the word of God is living and powerful, and sharper than any two-edged sword, piercing even to the division of soul and spirit, and of joints and marrow, and is a discerner of the thoughts and intents of the heart."
The Lord knows my thoughts and knows I'm trying to come up with a good excuse. Yet, He also knows that I'm not shirking doing for the homeless. I'm just trying to get a feeling of wanting to help, wanting to serve, to come over me. Could it just be that I am worn out from all the stuff this week? I'm already overwhelmed with work... could it just be I'm being lazy? I'm praying for an answer. If God doesn't give me a reason NOT to go, I guess we will be going, unless hubby absolutely refuses. And you know he won't let me go alone. I know we won't regret going......
I have a meeting with one of my bosses this morning, plus another meeting with a support person to show me how to do a monthly exclusion report (another report that I do not want to do), and I'm not sure what else is on my calendar for today. I really do need to look at taking a couple days off work and perhaps we do need to get away from here. Sometimes it is good to have a different atmosphere around you. I mean, if we stay home, there is always something that needs to be done, whether we do it or not. It's always the 'same o same o' stuff. TV and crochet. Maybe read some. I need a different scenery.
Can't go this weekend... maybe I can see how next week pans out.... if I can get a day off work and we just even go to a hotel in town - at least it is something different. Times like this I long for the hermitage to be alone. Take naps frequently. Read a lot. Pray a lot. Take walks with God. Oh how I long to have the time to do that. I am getting in desperate need of alone God time.
What about you? Do you ever feel you just need some time alone with God? Maybe you don't even recognize it as needing God, but just time to be alone. Everyone should have that time to be able to refocus and sort life out, don't you agree? Even just a few hours... I think I used to escape by going shopping... but I have gotten past shopping anymore; I end up buying things I don't need. Nor necessarily want for that matter. And I need to quit buying for some; they don't need it either. And why spend the money? I'd rather save it.
I read a story this morning about a couple who had three boys who had ran far from God. They fasted and prayed for these boys for years.... and God called each one back, one by one. Now they serve in youth ministry. Oh how I pray for my children and grandchildren, and great-grandchildren, that they will know the Lord personally and will serve Him - perhaps not in a ministry position, but to be available for His use. Some day my prayers will be answered. I just need to be patient.
Our God has been very patient with me; I am sure He wants me to be patient with those I love. I would hate to have on my conscience that my child, my grandchild, or great-grandchild, was sent to hell when they died because I didn't tell them about Jesus; that I didn't let them know Him. We all need to be praying for each other; for those we love, that their hearts would know Jesus (not just a head knowledge, but a heart knowledge), and that our life would reflect who Jesus is in our life. I'm not perfect by any means, and I blame myself for some of the things my children do.... so I pray. Who knows, some day they may follow Jesus too.
Blessings!
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