Feeling Melancholy....

It's been one of those days. My middle child has been on my mind and in my prayers today-that he has to say 'so long' to another dear friend of his. Death is never enjoyable, and although I don't think I ever met this friend, my son has spoken of him frequently. I know that this was a good man, and he was a good friend to my son. My heart aches for my son. No parent likes their children to be hurt, but we can't always protect them. This is one of those times. It's life. I believe in the Lion King they called it the 'Circle of Life'.

It still hurts.

I guess I knew the end was near - even without knowing it. I was awake most of the night before, with the friend constantly on my mind, and I was constantly praying for him, actually praying for a miraculous healing. God could have done it, but chose not to. It was between 2AM and 4AM that I began to doze off and on - and finally falling asleep. It seems when I have someone on my mind, and there are serious things going on, I end up not sleeping a lot. Once they are gone, or turn for the better, I seem to be able to fall asleep.

I remember when my mother died. I was on the airplane heading back to Indiana. Although I don't remember the time right now, I remember a 'check' in my spirit and I glanced at my watch to note the time. Sure enough, it was about that time she passed away. Other times I've discovered that if I burst into tears for a very small or unrelated reason, something is about to happen.

Is God alerting me that something is going to happen? I don't know. When He brings someone's name to mind, I know I am to pray for them - even when I don't know how to pray or what to pray. I need to be more bold in doing what I'm led to say and do.

One friend I knew had been crippled for awhile. One day I took his hand and the thought came to me to tell him to 'In the Name of Jesus, stand up and walk~!' and I actually hesitated and started to say it, but not wanting to 'assume' anything and wasn't sure if it was just my heart-cry or God telling me to say it. I mean, I've heard God speak to me before. I KNOW His voice.

But, it was a thought, and I don't know if I was just wanting to wish it so. But I remained silent. And prayed as I left, that if I should have said it, for God to tell me to go back - but He didn't. I wish now I had said it and made a fool of myself. But what if. What if it had made a difference. I regret that I didn't do what the thought said for me to do. If nothing happened, I only looked like a fool. If God was behind it...anything could have happened.

Sometimes we want friends - and family - to all be well and healthy. To be alive. But sometimes, we just have to 'let go'. Not because we know best, but because God does. Going quickly they are removed from their pain. God knew exactly how long my son's friend would live. He knew it before He created him. All this was in His plan for this friend. There was nothing anyone could have done. The friend lived, and died. Just like we all will.

These times always remind me of the 'dash' in our years. What are we doing with that dash. I am sure I have written it out before - and I will have to look for it - but perhaps it is time to write it again.

This friend of my sons had many friends and was well loved. It sounds to me like he lived his dash well. His friends and family will grieve and mourn, but it is their loss of one they loved. The friend has no more cares, no more sorrow, no more pain. He is where he chose to be at the end of his life. I wish I had been able to see him and ask if he knew Jesus. I had even prayed for that opportunity. It would have been awesome to know for sure where he was going. But I didn't know him, and I wasn't asked. I can only hope he thought about it, and made that decision before the end.

Hope you have a good evening. Don't forget to tell those you love how much you care for them. It may be your last opportunity.

Blessings!