Showing posts with label missing mama. Show all posts
Showing posts with label missing mama. Show all posts

Wednesday, October 4, 2023

I had strange dreams....

 I just got up.  Yes, I turned my alarm off... and I have dozed - and dreamed - and I wanted to get on here real quick before I forgot....  but now I've had some wonderful distractions too.  I had just gotten the first few words typed out when my bedroom door opens and our great-granddaughter pops in with a 'Hi Oma!'.  Climbing in to my lap in front of the computer she gets my undivided attention - afterall, I hadn't really started to type anything yet.  This is what I get for allowing myself to sleep in and not get up like I should!  After chatting with her a few minutes, she wanted to wake grandma up and off she went.  But, we got her out - and here I sit, in the front room with my computer, watching Madagascar with the little one while mama gets dressed.   And this is one of the things that warms my heart.

My dream...one was really weird - I got a call from a friend whom I haven't seen for a few years and she needed me.  So hubby and I went over and she was sitting at her table crying.  Her husband, and children were small (and I met only one who is grown and married, but I've heard about them for years).  I never figured out what she was crying about, but as I turned to leave, she asked if I had any eggs.  I remembered I had just bought 18 eggs so told her yes, and she asked for some.  Ok.  Now this is where it gets weird.  We lived two blocks away...in a big building, and between us was a huge building, like a monument of something, and in front of the building they had these big bowls around things.  Well, a wind storm came up before we left and blew the bowls apart.  But we went anyway.

See, these dreams are weird. When we came home, I got up, put on my workout clothes and started riding my bike (which I don't have) to the gym. I get a block away and find I don't have socks on - so of course I decided I couldn't go to the gym without socks, so turned around and rode back home and kept trying to call our trainer but couldn't get ahold of him.

Then the dream went to this friend knocking at my door, asking for the eggs.  I go to the egg container and the eggs are in different shapes.  Like they were little molded figures, dogs, people, etc.  So I pickup about a dozen of them to give her because they are so much smaller and in weird shapes.  Then that scene disappears and...

I'm having a party for my mother to cheer her up.  Friends that I know have passed away were there. We had all kinds of flowers and cakes everywhere.  Some kid comes in and starts taking some things out and I am in the kitchen area when he comes out with this big blue medal 'thing' - I have no idea of what it is - and I get mad at him and tell him he can't have it! It had belonged to my mother and he wasn't getting it - but I lied to him and told him it was mine, to keep him from taking it.  That scene disappeared and something had happened in the other room and guests were leaving and things were thrown on the floor.  Mother was leaving too, and said, "That was the best party I have been too in a long while".  And as I pick up the party treats that were laying on the floor, I was filled with the  overwhelming pain of missing my mother, and I was sobbing.

And then I woke up.  Could it have been the left-over piece of pizza I ate for dinner before going to bed?   The only part that could be true is that I do miss my mother.  Many times I will see her face, and sometimes I will even talk with her.  I don't know if any of us kids were her 'favorite',   I really think we all were, because she had a special bond with each one of us that should would never want to change. I know she talked about me to the others when they visited, just as she talked about them to me.  Only difference is, only one person like to share the negative things that was shared.... what had been told and imagined.  

Perhaps that is why I do not have favorites among my children, my grandchildren, nor my great grandchildren.  I love each one differently.  I have a special bond (in my mind, anyway), with each one.  Nothing can change that love I have for each one.  I may throw up my hands in exasperation at times, but I still love them completely.

And, enough of my dreams.  This blog will be odd, or weird, I'm sure... what with dreams and all, so I think I've told it all.  And I still miss my mama this morning.  That part I definitely remember.  And the funny looking eggs.

My daughter just came in and shared a dream she had.... she won $60 billion dollars at a casino playing a game she didn't know.  So I shared my dream.... she asked me a question.... "Mom, are you seeing a therapist?"

My title reminds me of something that happened the other day.... it was funny.... my daughter had complained about 'stupid drivers' - this town has numerous circles to drive around to slow traffic down (can't think what they are called, but you know what I'm talking about)....  and she commented "I see stupid people".  Later the great granddaughter was looking out the window and says, "I see trees"... and I added "and grandma sees stupid people".... and I cracked up as did my daughter - the granddaughter just shook her head.  But I thought it was hilarious!   

And with that - I need to get up and get dressed and start packing my things up.  We need to be out of here by 10AM I think and we need to make sure we have all the toys.  So with that - I'll say I hope you don't have my type of weird dreams... and if you can figure out what it all means, please give me your opinion of what you think it all means.  We all need a laugh.

Heading home today - have a 5PM training at the gym.  Can't wait to tell him about that part of the dream. He will laugh.  I hope I can survive the workout - and I'll make sure I'm wearing socks - but I am NOT riding a bike there!

Blessings!













Wednesday, November 23, 2022

A photo from the past....

 As I glanced at my phone this morning I saw that my son had posted a memory on Facebook.  Curious as to which one, I had to look.  It was my mama with two of my grandchildren.  It is one I love to see.  My heart was touched, for I do miss my mama, even though I don't often talk about her anymore.  She's been gone 18 years now.  My big brother, Sammy, who has been on my mind a lot lately, has been gone 20 years come Christmas Eve.  He sure timed it right - every December I remember him, I remember him coming out to visit and staying with us, I remember our talks, the things we shared.  Christmas Eve.... shoveling snow off the car after a family gathering at our little sister's house... and his heart gave out.  But God had given him to us an additional ten years, according to his doctor.  The doctor had told him at a visit that he had lasted ten years longer than expected, with his heart issues.  I miss him a lot.  I especially grieve in my heart because he rejected God.  I can't pretend he will be in heaven.  My heart is grieved for he will suffer eternally because he made the wrong choice. 

I had to start making a list this morning because as I read my devotionals, things kept popping in to my mind that I need to get done either today or soon.  I ended up ordering a bunch of things at the grocery yesterday afternoon, saving myself an expensive trip, and picked it up at 6PM last night.  I was smarter than my little sister, I think.  My bill was less than $100 and I focused mainly on groceries I need for Thanksgiving day and the day after.  She went to the store personally yesterday, and we all know how she shops... she spent nearly $500 she said, but she also bought a ham for Christmas and other things she can put in the freezer until closer to Christmas.  I got to get past Thanksgiving before I can think of Christmas.  And I'm still needing to figure out what to fix for everyone.  I'll figure it out soon.  But for now, it's remembering to make deviled eggs, bake cornbread, cut up celery and onions, and get things ready for lunch tomorrow.

One of the grandsons who lives out of state is coming over for breakfast on Friday morning and we will have our Christmas with him.  After he and his fiancee leaves, I need to start on dinner for our single friends we have invited over.  I'm looking forward to seeing them as it has been a couple years for one, and a few months for another.  I was going to fix turkey and the fixings, then decided on BBQ ribs, but have gone back to turkey and dressing.  Plus we have our Turkey Trot first thing tomorrow morning - I still need to figure out WHERE we are going to meet to do our walk.  

Does this year feel like it is flying by to you?  It has to me all year - it's isn't just that it's the end of the year approaching, but the entire year has felt like it is speeding by.  

As I sorted out and wrapped Christmas gifts yesterday and discovered how many I still need to get at least ONE gift for,.... I realize how easy it is to buy for some, and much harder for others.  When I get a list that really helps, especially if they need clothes.  That part is done.  But I have some other grandsons I am at a loss for, and I imagine their parents are too!  I haven't seen one since last Christmas.  Another I think I have seen once this year.  I'm thinking to fix them up a lot of goodies/snacks... I imagine if they want something, they get it, just like the rest of us do.  With not being in touch with them, I have no clue what they would want.  But, as I was told, it is more being together as family.  I love that.  Family is so important to me.  

Psalm 121 is one of my favorite psalms.  It has sustained me during some very difficult times.  I am fortunate that if I'm out and about, I can see the mountains/hills around our city.  

Psalm 121 (NKJV):  "I will lift up my eyes to the hills- From whence comes my help? My help comes from the LordWho made heaven and earth. He will not allow your foot to be moved; He who keeps you will not slumber. Behold, He who keeps Israel Shall neither slumber nor sleep. The Lord is your keeper; The Lord is your shade at your right hand. The sun shall not strike you by day, Nor the moon by night. The Lord shall preserve you from all evil; He shall preserve your soul. The Lord shall preserve your going out and your coming in From this time forth, and even forevermore."

I can't tell you how many times my thoughts go to this psalm when I'm driving around town and see the mountains around me.  I can't say how many times I have prayed this prayer, that as I look to the hills and seek the face of God, and I also seek His hand in so many things, that I am comforted by the belief that He can right the wrongs, He can bring hope, He can bring healing, and He hears me when I cry out to Him.  There is nothing like the peace that passes all understanding when you seek God with your heart and soul and mind.

When was the last time you sought God's face, and not just His hand?

A granddaughter sent me a photo yesterday of my great-granddaughter holding a Bible she received from Kindergarten.  My heart was so blessed to read that she couldn't wait to read it.  I pray that she always has a heart for God and that she will lead many others to Him.  Oh that the Words she reads will bring such joy to her little heart, that she will walk with Jesus all the days of her life!  

May you be blessed in knowing Jesus as your Lord and Savior.  He didn't come to the world to condemn it, but to save it.  One person at a time.

Blessings!