It's finally scheduled....

 I've already written a long post tonight but have saved it in draft form for I am frustrated and angry at some things.  I voiced them in that post.  But that isn't what I want you to read.  This will be short as I'm writing this the night before (Tuesday night) and I probably won't have time to write in the morning.

The funeral is finally scheduled for 10AM tomorrow morning.  Please pray for me as I am doing the service.  But also, please pray for me that my sister will quit telling me what SHE wants me to say.  She didn't like the scripture I was lead to share.  She wants the Lord's Prayer at the end of the service.  She wants this and she wants that.  I'm not changing the scripture.  I'm not having everyone say the Lord's Prayer at the end of the service (when did that get to be done at funerals anyway?) and I'm not changing what I have written because she wants me to.

It has been a tough day.  Remember my talking about fish smelling after 4 days?  Well, we've reached the limit and I'm more than ready to go home.  We head back tomorrow night, getting in via Denver around 11PM.

I will explain more next time I post, perhaps.  Things may or may not happen.  Whether or not our nephew comes to tell his mother goodbye is a big issue.  I say he can, she doesn't want him there.  Yeah, my sister and I are feuding about this - and other things.  I'm tired of the jabbing emails and comments.  I want to go home.

So for now, please pray for peace for our family.  I'm holding my tongue.  I don't want to fight with my sister.  She is more than ready for that battle and I'm not going to give it to her.  She is jealous of my relationship with my siblings, with this sister who died, with my daughter.  She has even commented how lucky I am to have a daughter who came with me and is making sure I am taken care of.  I am more than grateful she is taking care of things I wouldn't think about.  She has taken me everywhere I wanted to go and then some.  And she hasn't complained, but did it joyfully.  

Pray for the service, that it will go well.  Pray that if the nephew does come to the service, he won't disrupt it.  Pray that my daughter and I can come home without complications and conflicts.  Pray I won't get in an argument with my sister.  Help me hold my tongue.

Much appreciated.  Until I have a chance to write again.......... please pray for peace.

Another early morning...

It was around 1AM 'my time' that I awakened this morning... My body is still on 'my time' and just hasn't been able to adjust to the time here.  I'm ready to go home, I think.  Oh - and since I'm laying in the bed typing this, please forgive all the typing errors - I'm not going to worry about them today.

We did take a day of rest yestrday and family came over for the cookout.  Nephew did a great job on the grill and the hamburgers were perfect.  Also had brats, wings, and hotdogs.  Lots of food!  My niece made a delicious from scratch macaroni and cheese dish that I  got the recipe for.  So good!  After they left I couldn't stay awake so laid down and slept pretty deep for about a half hour.  

Still no set date for the funeral and we leave in two days.  We are hoping it will come about tomorrow.  I did spend time yesterday preparing the service.  Sigh.  I mentioned to my little sister what scripture I felt drawn to... and she let me know she didn't agree.  Sometimes I feel like she just likes to disagree with me on about everything.  I want to finalize it today, just in case we have the funeral before we head home.  It will be very short, and I'll give others opportuniity to share their memory.

My daughter and I plan to get out of here by 9AM this morning and head over to the apartment to finish everything up.  My sister has decided that she also will go over early.  We are starting to 'butt heads' on some things, which isn't unusual with us being together so much.  I get so tired of walking on eggshells, though.  She wants to go to the apartment and sweet the floors, and mop the tile kitchen.  She wants to wipe down things.  It's all well and good, but, the carpet will need to be replaced, as will the tile in the kitchen.  

And then there is the issue of the nephew is getting out of the hospital this morning.  We all know the first place he will head is to the apartment, as he has no other place to go.  Neither my daughter, nor my sister, want to see him.  My sister says he will be confrontational once he sees everything is gone and his clothes are folded and ready for him to take.  His pets are also gone, and I'm hoping our little brother has explained about them.  Anyway, my little sister was very argumentive with me about the possibility of him showing up.  I told her that if he does show up while we are there, we need to show him compassion, and tell him how sorry we are for his own loss.  Help him get this things out of the apartment, ask for his key, and let him go.  Yes, he will be emotional, more than likely.  His whole world has been taken away form him, however it has happened.  I feel we need to show compassion; she is afraid he will lose it and "I've never had a confrontation with him and I don't want to now."  I finally asked her "what would Jesus do?" - and walked away.  Did I hear about it later!  For some reason, whenever I walk away from her during a 'discussion', she accuses me of stomping my feet and walking away mad.  No, I choose not to argue with someone who won't listen.  She was so mad at me last night that she was going to bed without even telling me goodnight.  Leave it to my daughter to try and smooth things by saying I was talking about her.   

So off to the apartment this morning, and then after we finish there want to run over to my older brother's to see him for a short while.  Schedules have been such we haven't been able to connect.  So we will visit, then come back for dinner with my younger brother.  Tomorrow, hopefully, the funeral and then we have dinner with my hubby's brother and wife.  Wednesday ... either the funeral or a day of packing and shipping some thigns back home so that we don't have to pack it.  Frontier doesn't even allow carry on luggage so we have to pack everything.  We will be getting in around 11PM I think Wednesday evening at 'home'.  I'm ready to go home.

Although I know I will miss this sister who passed away, as I've mentioned before, with living so far away, our 'visits' were by phone.  Some weeks we would talk several times, other weeks would pass by without a call.  I have no regrets.  I talked to her the Tuesday before she passed.  We said our 'goodbye and I love you'.  I'm grateful for that.

It's still 3 hours before my daughter will be getting up ... and here I am at 2:41AM (my time - 5:41AM here) fairly awake.  Don't want to go to the kitchen; many nights the BIL is asleep in the recliner.  I guess he usually sleeps in the bedroom my daughter has.  The beds here are so comfortable, but after awhile you just hare to get up cause theya re too comfortable.

Think I will sign off and read my Bible and see what God says to me today.  I desperately need to hear from Him about some things.  Life is hard, and I need His instruction, His direction.  Just three more days.  Lord, please give me strength to get through this, help me hold my tongue when I need to.  Let Your compassion for those hurting to flow through me.  Empty me of my own feelings and help me to feel what they feel.  Help me to let You love them through me.  Life is hard, and letting go of those you love is so very hard.  

I love you, Lord.  Thank you for opening my eyes to things I needed to see.  Although I don't understand some things, You walk me through them.  Please guide my thoughts, and my reactions/actions that result.  Help me to care for others likeyou do.  Ignore the jabs and comments; and just love them.  Help me be Jesus to those hurting.  Thank you, Lord.

Appreciate your prayers as things come together.  Help us to love one another.

Blessings