In reading my Bible this morning I read about how when things are not going well, when life seems against us, when people hurt you, when things happen that disappoint you.... we are to still praise the Lord. I will confess that I am going through some painful things right now, and I don't even know the answers to the questions of 'why?'.
I am learning that it isn't always about 'me'. If I do something wrong, I say 'I'm sorry'... and I truly am. I never want to cause anyone pain. The pain that I am going through right now has nothing to do with me. Reading this you may not understand that statement. But, if you have been reading this blog for many years, you know that I have been hurt many, many times. I've often shared way too much on here. I'm trying to get better about that, and not do that.
The scripture that comes to my mind this morning is Psalm 34:18: "The Lord is close to the brokenhearted; he rescues those whose spirits are crushed."
Work has been challenging at times; things I don't want to do, I must do. I have to learn things my mind tells me 'you don't want to' - and it makes it more difficult to learn. I find joy in working with my bosses, but this remote work makes it harder to have a relationship. Maintaining work relationships is hard enough, remote makes it harder. I AM looking forward to my one boss and I having a couple days off work to play. In December we are going to go to the Christmas house; another day we are driving up north to see another friend - and shop. But work? Work can be challenging, especially with being remote.
Bible studies I am trying to complete are still good, and I get a lot of out of them (especially today's - it was again on purging my closet and my emotional and stress eating habits). It is just harder to work on what I want to accomplish in me. I have to pray more; I have to cry out more for help. Sometimes the 'want to' of my heart is buried and I have to fight to get to where I want to be.
Relationships are another difficult thing to deal with. We all frequently go through things that anger us, upset us, frustrate us. And things that bring us joy. How we deal with those things affects everyone around us. Not only what we hold internally, but it affects our relationship with those we love the most, our spouses, our children. Not wanting to walk on broken glass, we often hold in our own feelings and emotions. We learn from what we see and feel. We put everyone in bondage. I've probably done it a few times myself, and for that I'm sorry. Eggshells and broken glass are hard to walk on, if you have ever been put in that situation with relationships. Years can go by and the pain of words spoken can rear their ugly head and try to crush your spirit again. I know; I go through those times myself. I still reel from words spoken to me years ago. The words broke me, even though I had done nothing wrong. Guilt and shame and righteous anger can make life very painful and difficult for many.
I learned that I can get through anything when I praise the Lord and lean into His promise of never leaving me, that He is always near my broken heart. I am reminded of a story I have read before....and I'm sure you have heard it too. I know I won't get it all right, but please bear with me as I try to pull from memory.
There was a man who got mad at someone or something in a church. He was so angry he decided to pull away and never associate with them again. Several weeks went by and one day a knock happened upon his door. When he opened it, the pastor stood there. The man turned from the open door and walked away to sit down. The pastor came into the house without saying a word, closing the door behind him. It was chilly outside and the man had a fire going in the fireplace. After several minutes of no convesration, the pastor took a fireplace tool and pulled a burning coal away from the rest of the fire. Both men sat there and watched the coal burn on its own for awhile, then slowly burn out, and turn cold. The pastor stood up to leave. The man spoke and told the pastor that he got the message, and he would be returning to the church the following Sunday.
What is the message in that story? I'll let you figure it out.
I am choosing to praise the Lord no matter what my circumstances, in need or in want, in pain or in sorrow, or in joy - I am choosing to praise. Why? Because the joy of the Lord is my strength. And He is always near to us.
Blessings!
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