at least these first couple of days are. Today I have to catch up from my bosses working over the weekend (why in the world would you want a job that is so busy that you cannot even take a day off work?) and I need to stop around 3-ish and head to the dentist office for a cleaning. Then tomorrow I will go back to my doctor... to see what 'treatment' plan he has for me for the osteopenia. I guess that explains why I easily broke my toe in two places when Sheeba pulled me into the curb last year. Or was that earlier this year? I don't remember anymore. I just know I am going to get hit with the cholesterol pills .... ugh... I have fought that for years. But the positive is that I won't have to watch so much what I eat as the medication can lower the cholesterol, right? I love food. I love breads and pasta and carbs. And they love me. They stick to me like glue. Sigh.
I finally got an explanation on why I am having to pay about $700 in medical bills/tests that I normally would not have to pay for. I went to a new doctor closer by. I wanted a 'well woman check-up'. He did what I wanted; sent me for the tests I haven't had for nearly 5 years, got answers that I wanted, but when the bills started coming in I got upset, angry in fact, because it should have been covered at 100% by my insurance company. All because of CPT coding. And because it was my first visit to him I was not an established patient. Therefore, it can't be coded a well woman physical because you can't do one on the first visit, so the insurance company sort of explained. I would have had to meet with the doctor, had no tests, and left. Then go back again to get a physical. So stupid. But, in spite of the monies I am having to pay to get my fears relieved and back on track with my health, I am glad I had it done. I have struggled since I left my other doctor of 30 years to find one who would pay attention to me. The one I had switched to first couldn't even read the chart to know I was there for a physical and when I would point it out to him, he'd go "well, we did blood work 6 months ago, you're good". The next one left the practice I had switched to, and the PA I was assigned to - well, COVID hit and I couldn't even get in to see her. I do like this doctor so hopefully I can finish out my years with him. He's close by, he listens to me, he talks to me, and I really do like him. So, I just tell myself "I .AM.WORTH.EVERY.PENNY."
Our trip comes up next week (about 9 days away) and part of me is sad I haven't lost the 20 pounds I really thought I could lose before we went. I tell you, food and carbs just love me and stick with me. I haven't gained any since I was sent home to work, but I certainly haven't lost and it has redistributed. I'm not giving up; I just need to exercise more and continue watching the volume and kind of food I eat. I seriously thought I could lose it before the trip, but here we are a week out and still not even a pound. I guess it is true that when you get older it is much harder to lose. No matter how hard you try. But I won't give up. I want to keep moving and active; although it is harder now. I actually went to Sam's Club ALONE yesterday (Cardinals game was on) and just literally walked up and down every aisle, just to get out and walk and move. I was halfway through the store before I even put anything in my cart. It felt good to just be alone and walking.
I ought to change my hours to 8-5 since I'm home... and take that extra hour for a long walk early in the morning. But I like being able to get some things done before my bosses come online (one comes on at 7AM but the other two start at 8AM) and I like walking away from the computer at 4PM. Maybe I will think about changing it to 7:30-4:30 - that isn't bad, and I still can get a nice walk in if I start at 6:30am. Sure wish I could take Sheeba walking - it would be good for her and for me, but I just can't. I've been lucky thus far with just the broken toe and being dragged across two yard... I'm afraid that I couldn't hold her back if she decided to take off. I've talked with hubby about finding her a good home where she can run freely in the yard and have children to play with, but he refuses. Then he complains it costs so much to put her in the pet hotel. Yes, I could ask family members to come let her out of her crate and take her out - but to keep her in the crate as big as she is for more than a couple days is cruel. Of course if we both were working outside the home, there wouldn't be a choice in the matter. But we would definitely need to find an extra-extra large crate so that she could move. So to the pet hotel she will go while we are out of town. At least there she gets out to play with other dogs and with the trainers. And we get an email every day from 'Sheeba' telling what fun she is having. Although last time we got a report she wouldn't let anyone near one of the trainers; she was protecting them. She is a good protect dog.
And.... I'm rambling. I need to get up from this chair and get dressed for work. I'm struggling with emotions this morning and my thoughts keep wandering. I'm tired. Period. I think of insisting I get to retire... and yet, my world would become my prison if I did. I need to find a rich old aunt or uncle who adores me and leaves all their wealth to me in their will. Maybe then I will be able to live once again. I don't mind flipping burgers; it could be fun. And a lot less stressful than what I have to do everyday. And I've been told I may need to start creating/attending/taking minutes at a new set of board meetings... and I don't want to. THAT is stressful. I do not like taking minutes of meetings. I'm always afraid I'll miss what notes they want taken. I forgot my shorthand years ago. Two hour board meetings don't do anything for me, except exhaust me.
UGH. I need to stop, get dressed, get the computer on and get started on my day. Sorry to have rambled so this morning... my thoughts seem to be all over the place.
Lord, help me through this day, cause if You don't help me, I'm a mess. Please focus my mind on the things I need to focus on, help me not to miss the details of things I need to be aware of. Help me, Lord, to accomplish all that I need to get done today. Be with me, Lord, and help me, because You love me. Bless my children today, Lord, and watch over them, keep them safe. Help them with their tasks for today, give them peace in the midst of any storms. Open their eyes and hearts to know that it is You who gets them through each and every day. I pray for their souls, Lord, that they will find You are the only One who can help them through their lives. It is You who died for them, and it is You in whom they can have life, and life everlasting. I love you, Jesus. Thank You for hearing my prayers, and thank You for the answers, even when they aren't what I want. Amen.
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