Chaos in the family.... and other things....

It seems like some days the chaos in my family is overwhelming and crazy. I'm actually doing ok. Either that, or it hasn't soaked in, the things that have been happening.

I got word yesterday afternoon that my dearest adopted aunt, Aunt Sue, passed away. I didn't want my kids hearing it from others so got ahold of my daughter-in-law so that she could pass the news on to her family before they heard from others. I let my daughter and granddaughter know - they could pass it on. Still debating on passing the news on to the youngest son - of course he is in the right place to hear about it, so I may text him this morning. Aunt Sue is the last of the four sisters. I think there is one brother left back in Arkansas I think it is. Aunt Sue would have been 95 in July this year. One of my granddaughters immediately called me to see if I was ok, for they know how much I loved Aunt Sue.

The youngest son is in the VA hospital in Tucson getting much needed help for his alcohol addiction and then for PTSD. Now if 'life' would just leave him alone so that he can get better. I'm so glad he is there now for with what is going on, it would cause him to drink even more.

I received a hysterical call from his wife the other day that my granddaughter was 'cutting' herself. Then the conversation (on her side) turned to her emotions, etc. (like it was all about her) - and then I spoke with my granddaughter. I got her to promise she wouldn't do it again and I was going to pick her up this weekend so that we can have some time together. After talking with my son, she had done this real lightly about 3 weeks ago when he was home. He talked to her about it then. Then he was gone to the hospital. The granddaughter has been "alone" with the wicked stepmother. sigh. I understand that 3 nights ago now, she again cut on her wrists. Not real deep, but probably enough to get a trickle of blood - I really don't know. Anyway, that is what the daughter-in-law saw and went into hysterics about.

So the son suggested that his wife call the school and ask the counselor to talk with the granddaughter. Only the school doesn't have a counselor - they have a psychiatrist. Who asked the question: Do you ever feel like you don't want to be on this planet anymore? And of course the question was 'sometimes'. Even I could answer that question today that way! So they called in a crisis team who talked with her, then took her to a hospital nearby when they questioned her more. In the end, the granddaughter was released to her aunt's custody with the instructions she was not to be left alone with the wicked stepmother. Ok those are my words. The wicked stepmother part. She is the reason our granddaughter feels unwanted, humiliated, embarrassed. The stepmother puts her down and embarrasses her.

The daughter took her to get her clothes and the stepmother was very irate with her, demanding to know why the granddaughter couldn't be alone with her - that "I saved her life and you are being unfair. I need to know what she has said that she can't be with me alone. Those are your words, I want written proof." And so on. My daughter sent me a copy of some of the texts written after she left the house with my granddaughter. Even after my son told her 'it's not about you'.

I had to ask my son why he stayed with her when she causes such chaos in his family. She is always the victim and ridicules his children and puts them down all the time while building her son up. If anyone observed him, they would know he is going to have major obstacles as he grows up due to her parenting. My son responded, when the kids aren't around, they get along fine, and one day the kids will leave. The boys have already left; our granddaughter is only 14. To allow her 4 more years of this verbal and emotional abuse is unacceptable. Because of whom I'm married to, my hands are tied. I did tell him that if I was single - which I am not - if I was single, she would be able to come live with me. He just doesn't get it.

So after all this, the bottom line is, the granddaughter will be staying with my daughter until my son gets out of the hospital in about 4-5 months. Another granddaughter and son-in-law will make sure she gets to school every day. This granddaughter and I will split weekends having her stay at our places to give my daughter a break.

and you thought you had problems? But in all of this, it IS about my granddaughter feeling safe, loved, and wanted. And we will make sure she feels that way. It takes a village to raise a child.

Blessings!