It is going to be a tough day. Even now, the tears gather in my eyes, knowing what this day is going to consist of. It is only 7:08AM so for now, can only wait.
Our beloved Marley has reached her final day. That brings tears flowing down my cheeks to even write that statement. She's had good days and bad days since we found out she had lymphoma. Two days ago she wouldn't eat breakfast - but we did get her to eat dinner. Yesterday she would neither eat nor drink water; just laid either on the tile floor, or if hubby got her to go outside, she would go lay in the dirt in the shade. Last night about 6PM she went to her crate, and laid down. I think we managed to get her up once to go pee, but she went back to her crate and refuses to move from it. She just lays there, eyes blinking. Ever so often she will shift her body.
The nodules on her neck this morning are huge. I'm talking at least golf ball size. You don't have to touch them to see them. I'm hoping she isn't in pain, and yet, once I thought I saw a tear...and that broke my heart. We've managed to get a little water in her by taking a straw and dropping water through her teeth. She then would raise up and lap up a little from a small cup.
Our hearts are broken. Hubby is taking it hard because he is with her all day - so whether he meant to or not, he has become very attached to her. When the vet is open, we will pick her up and take to the car, and go to the vet. It's hard to think that one would have control over life and death this way, but death for her is imminent, and we do not want her to suffer. We will say our goodbyes one more time, stay until the end, and then leave her.
A friend at work thinks I should get her ashes, but we have discussed this and agree that we don't want them. I had asked her 'what do you do with them?' She commented when her dog died, she got the ashes, and it comforts her. I'm sorry to sound crude.... but they are ashes. I could just see me knocking over the urn and spilling them all over the floor. sigh. I have our memories with Marley, and that is enough.
So with this news, I'm done for today. I'm working from home so until we leave to go to the vet, and when we return, my thoughts need to be focused on work and I can get some things done. Perhaps that will help me to get through today.
So long, my Marley girl. I love you so much.
Addendum. And it is over. Our precious Marley is in doggie heaven. Hubby and I both were calling the vet with questions of 'is it time'? 'is it the right thing to do?' and still wondering if we should. But we finally took her to the vet. And then it was over. We stayed with her a few minutes, shedding our tears, and saying our goodbyes. My heart is broken. But Marley will always live on in my heart. God speed, my Marley girl.
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