I was pleasantly surprised I could find the 'new post' icon this morning and could actually begin to type this. But my mind is going a mile a minute and am not sure where to begin so this post may not make a lot of sense........ just random thoughts of what has been going on.
Made it to the podiatrist finally a couple weeks ago. I had correctly diagnosed myself. Plantar Fasciitis in both feet; 2 bone spurs in the left, and 1 bone spur in the right. No wonder it hurts to walk sometimes! He did x-rays and ultrasounds....... I had to laugh. The ultrasound consisted of putting the device in one area on the bottom of my feet so that he could show me what he was talking about. I can't believe what they charged for that. On both feet. Sigh. My insurance didn't pay.... I have a $5,000 deductible....... but they did make some adjustments, removing about $400 I think from the bill. Then I looked at the bottom line. Sigh. My cost is $336. Was it worth it? Debate-able. I have a definite diagnosis and know what is needed (need to wear shoes with arches and not go barefoot). Teach me to run on the treadmill barefoot! Still trying to figure out how to pay that plus a couple other medical bills that have trickled in. It's all good.
My current boss is having a meeting this morning and because another company is merging with ours, my former boss is here for the meeting because she works for the merging company! It was good to see her this morning and catch up a little bit. Can't wait to have some more time so I can brag about my grandchildren!
I started Weight Watchers about 3 weeks ago. As of this week I have lost 3.4 pounds. It doesn't seem like a lot in three weeks - and a lot of other people are losing a LOT more - like 5-10 pounds in a week's time - but I'm not discouraged. I'm about a hundred pounds less than they are - they will lose it faster than me. Slow and steady - and then it will stay off - right? I'm determined to stick it out this time and really like the fact they have a mobile app that I have downloaded and can keep track of my points that way. I know exactly where I'm at point-wise. I love it that fruits and vegetables are zero points (if you don't add anything to them). But my half of a breakfast sandwich from the meeting hit me for 9 points this morning! It was real sausage, not turkey sausage (a difference of 3-4 points!!) and on a bagel. Lunch will be interesting. REAL lasagna. But there will be salad with it and I will just have to bypass the dessert. Thus far I don't go over that often. And not by much.
I started reading a book last night - can't think exactly of the name of it now - but in the book he talks about a Python. Yeah, one of those big ugly snakes that eats people and animals.... It really gave me something to think about. A python will slowly squeeze the breath out of you - and when it is gone.... well, of course you are 'gone'. In the book, it shares that God put breath in man (Genesis) and a couple other places where wind or breath was involved (i.e. Holy Spirit).
A python is just like the devil. When we are aware of the attacks, we do our best to avoid them. But when the devil begins to encircle us (and I hear that it is usually before something big is going to happen)and we are 'attacked', it begins to squeeze the air out of us. As more things come against us, the tighter the grip becomes and the more our breath is taken from us. It could be tragedy, or illness, or financial issues, or loss of friendships - anything could open the door and allow the python to slither in. Eventually it causes you to withdraw, to back away from other people, to feel cut off from the world, alone.
As I read just a couple chapters of this book last night I was made aware of what has happened the last five years in my own life. It described me quite well. A pastor friend began to criticize me about how I prayed, how I looked, etc. The door opened, cause the wound was fresh. Then my closest friend and I had a falling out over what it really was about I'm not sure. But her sharp tongue ripped my heart out. And the squeeze tightened until I could hardly breathe. I met with our current pastor and wanted to get more involved, but left feeling rejected because I didn't want to teach what he wanted (I felt God had given me what He wanted; the pastor disagreed). I left not knowing what I was to do. I felt the tightening more of the python and there wasn't much life left in me. From being in church and involved in a lot of areas to going to church on Sunday morning was a big change for me. But that has been my life the last couple of years. Disappointment, hurt, pain squeezed all the tighter.
I realized as I read this book - mind you, only the first couple chapters - I saw myself. And I don't like it. I am NOT rejected by God. I AM loved. I asked God to breathe a fresh new breath into me, to open my eyes to see the enemy for what he is - a dream stealer, a breath taker. And God answered me. I don't know what I am to do, I don't know where I am to go. First of all, I want to finish reading this book! I feel encouraged, refreshed, and ready to face what the enemy has tried to take away from me. Ready to regain my joy in living.
I discussed this with my hubby last night and shared my thoughts. He is in semi-agreement, I think.... he just doesn't know what I'll decide I need to do. And neither do I. My first step? Get back involved again. The winter months are difficult because of us speaking elsewhere most Sundays (3 Sundays in March I'm speaking somewhere!!). One thing for sure, I want to breathe deep again.
What about you? The enemy been pulling you down? Has the python been tightening his grip on you and squeezing the breath out of you? Declare WHO you belong to and tell that python to find another victim - that you are NOT going to be squeezed any longer! Ask God to fill you once again with His breath of life, and He will, giving you all that you need.
Blessings!
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