Relationships.... you gotta work at them.

Been reading a book by John Maxwell, Winning with People.

It's an interesting and informative book, and today I read part of the chapter he titled 'The Gardening Principle'. In it he talks about six things that one needs to do in order to cultivate a relationship - rather it be a spouse, your family, siblings, people around you. As a rule, you want healthy relationships around you. But healthy relationships take work. They also take:

Commitment. The 'C' word. John Maxwell says that every long-lasting relationship suffers strains and setbacks. And no two people agree on everything. Even the best friendships can expect to face conflict. The question is, What are you going to do when trouble comes? How committed are you? Are you more dedicated to maintaining the relationship or to avoiding conflict? Your answer just might determine whether your relationship is lifelong or merely temporary.

Communication. The BIG 'C" word. Relationships begin with communication. Sometimes a spark easily ignites a friendship. It deepens with more communication. It is sustained with intentional communication. Author Sydney J. Harris belives that "it is impossible to learn anything important about anyone until we get him or her to disagree with us; it is only in contradiction that character is disclosed."

Friendship. Critic Samuel Johnson remarked, “If a man does not make new acquaintances as he advances through life, he will soon find himself left alone; a man, sir, should keep his friendship in a constant repair.” That goes for old friendships as well as new ones. I think we sometimes take for granted the people closest to us, and as a result, we neglect to try being good friends to them first.

Memories. Shared memories are a wonderful source of connection and bonding for people. When you see or talk to someone you haven't seen in many years, what helps you to reconnect almost instantly? It's the memories of your shared experiences.

Growth. When you begin any friendship, it is filled with promise. But you have to find ways to keep it fresh and strong so that it continues to have potential and not just good memories. One way to do that is to grow together.

Spoiling each other. You can't go wrong spoiling anyone - except perhaps your children. And even that is hard not to do. Try to extend small kindnesses to your friends all the time. Spoil your spouse. And don't forget the grandchildren! :-)

Let your friends and family members know how much you care as often as you can. Don't end up living with regrets when they are gone and you haven't told them.

So there you have it. Relationships. Some are really hard to maintain, and others are so easy. Sometimes you need to step away for awhile and see what made that relationship valuable to you - and is the relationship what you want it to be. Sometimes our perceptions are totally incorrect; things we thought and imagined, and believed, is just our emotions and imaginations going wild. Every relationship takes work - whether close or casual. Some relationships are just meant to be casual, and that is ok. Even siblings are not always close, although you want them to be. Each is different, as you are different.

My children and my grandchildren are always playing the "favorite" card. Little do they realize they are ALL my favorite. They all have a piece of my heart.

Do you need to do a little gardening?

Blessings!