I figure if I am going to write anything today I had best get on it. (Now my boss is IMing me!) Anyway - I have a somewhat 'busy day' ahead of me. Sigh. I get the pleasure of sitting through three town hall meetings and running the slide presentations. 1.5 hours each. Yeah, that is going to be 'my day'. As soon as I'm done there, I need to head to the gym for my workout training, then home real quick to change clothes and head to our Bible study group at another attendee's house in Surprise. Will be sitting all day - then on the go for the rest of it. Not complaining, I'm living life, right?
I quickly read my son's blog this morning and it made me chuckle. At what? His comment of feeling 'old' because he has an early morning routine - as many seniors do. Me included. Funny thing is, the past few days I have felt extremely 'old' and have been processing the 'why' I have been feeling that way. Could it be because I'm always saying "I'm old"? No, I don't think so. I think I figured it out. Correct me if you think I am wrong.
Hubby IS old! LOL Ok, he's 89 years old. The problem is, he ACTS like it - right? He truly does act like an 'old man'. And from my viewpoint, he doesn't want me to do anything if he can't do it (hence, everything that I do - or want to do - (think training), he wants to do it too - so that we can do things TOGETHER. (That word has become very difficult for me).
If he is watching TV, he can't stand it if I am in another room. Even though I may not want to watch the TV program, he pretty much insists I sit on the couch and crochet - or I go work on my diamond art project which is at the table behind his chair. If I come in here to talk with my sister, he complains he doesn't know what I can't sit on the couch and talk with her. He mutes the TV so that he can hear my side of any conversation - no matter who it is with - and then questions me on why did I say something to what did they say. See why I come in here to talk to my sister? LOL
He talks about going on a walk down to the corner, but I have to go with him, so that he can see if he has the strength in his legs to walk that far. Then he doesn't want to go. (and I don't remind him much cause I don't want to stop at the corner!) I honestly do not understand his fear because Morgan works out his legs and says he has a lot of strength in his legs - but it is his core (from sitting all day on a chair or in his recliner?) that is weak. I guess I shouldn't be so critical. I just feel I'm losing my life because he doesn't want to be actively doing things.
Then... ok, erase erase. Let's just end this with I want to be active and DO things - take long walks, get involved with groups that stay active. I'm not doing things because it just creates problems. Once is ok. Three times and I'm gone too much (unless it is the same as his night out). I could be wrong, it's just it has been that way so many years, that I cannot live my own life without him, that I have, as I have mentioned a few times, felt smothered. Restricted.
Now mind you, hubby has no problem bragging about me to others about things I can do. But ... he wants to be included WITH me. I call it the insecurity of the 'short man syndrome'. And some of you know us, know what I mean by that. Insecurity in people causes them to force their way into conversations that don't concern them, do whatever they can to feel valued. And I get that. And I've tried - honestly! - to include hubby in things whether I want him there or not. Let him decline, that's ok. But I have to include him.
Ok - enough about hubby. Not trying to bash him at all. Just stating facts. I just feel I have to live his life with him, rather than me living my life with him. Play on words, yes.
And, since I'm already working and I need to get something done before the first town hall at 10AM, I need to get off here and get busy. Besides, my son has already text'd me that it was after 8AM and I hadn't posted yet. LOL
So - I'm off here - and on to work. Hope your day is amazing! Maybe I'll have time to write in the morning - I fell asleep in my chair this morning - long story.
Blessings!
