Today my daughter and her family will be coming over for our Christmas celebration of exchanging gifts and a meal. She had suggested lunchmeat...and they like Italian... so I went to the store yesterday and bought salami, pepperoni, and I forget what else. Ham and turkey too for those of us with 'bland' tastes. Hah. She is to bring chips as I don't know what kind her family likes (does it really matter?) I asked her to, to save me the very real possibility of buying way too many bags of different kinds. Tea is made, for any that want it; Gatorade in refrigerator (need to add more); and water is plenty to be had. I made the potato salad (was VERY surprised that my oldest son didn't want some when he stopped by yesterday), and yet, it feels like there isn't enough food. I think I will make a pot of crockpot chicken chili and if any want soup, they can have it with the sandwich and chips. Going to make the crockpot cobbler as it will be easy to put together. Making life simple.
Except, although I have discussed lunchmeat sandwiches again with my oldest son for next Saturday when they come over.... I'm having second thoughts. That's what they had last year. Maybe I should ask him if he would prefer breakfast.... you know, biscuits and gravy, an egg dish, fried potatoes, ham or bacon, coffee/tea/milk/water..... then again, maybe not what he and the others wants. The lunchmeat last year went well, I think - and I sent a lot home with them. I dunno... will have to ponder it and see if he comments. I know he doesn't really care... but it's part of 'our' gift to them and I want them to have what they want.
Gifts are wrapped and under the trees so I don't have that stress this morning. I sat down last night during the Notre Dame/Indiana University game (that was a good game!) and wrote out a list of things I needed to do this morning (and ran out of room). Mainly putting the lunchmeat on a tray, making sure the hoagie buns are cut, put on the dessert, etc. I even bought paper plates and I have plastic silverware so that we don't worry about dishes. I may see if I have plastic cups - but I do like the glasses. I have Christmas dishes and at this moment in time, don't know if I will even be using them this year. Well, I guess I did use them at Thanksgiving.
Hubby has already offered to help do things.... you know I rather do everything myself... but I know he needs to be valued.... I truly think he knows he is declining in some things and is fighting to still be a part of everything - although in years past he rarely offered to help - now I can't get him out of the kitchen at times. He will sit in his chair and watch me cook. Sigh. SO perhaps I will let him get the lunchmeat out of the packages and put on the trays - that should keep him busy so I can get other things done, right? It's simple, it's easy, it's busy work. Yeah, maybe I'll do that. I can see me in that position in a few years.... and I get it. Lord, help me keep my mind active and alive.
I need to jump on the work computer to make sure I approved everyone's timecard and I have already noted there are invoices there that need to be processed. And why is it people send meetings for me to schedule five minutes before or after I take off? I did put my out of office on at 2PM.... but I didn't shut the computer down until 3PM. I may jump on later this afternoon and get those things done so that I don't have to get on next week. Corporate is closed Monday - Wednesday, and I took Thursday and Friday off as well. Not that I needed to, but I can use the rest. Although if hubby is driving me crazy, I may cancel Thursday and Friday and work it. Then we are off Monday-Wednesday the following week. I plan to go to work on January 2nd at this moment in time. I had to use my PTO and that's ok - forced 'vacation' is needed at times. I have been pretty exhausted and really do need to relax and refresh....although I don't know how I can do that. It's not the family coming over; that refreshes me and restores my joy... it's the daily living that defeats me. And that's why I can't retire, no matter how much I wish I could. The life I once dreamed about faded long ago.
My legs started telling me last night that they had been worked on the night before. Every time I stood and tried to walk, I found it was extremely difficult to get the legs to move. This morning it isn't as bad, but my legs are still letting me know they aren't happy with what I did to them. WAH. Suck it up buttercup! I am getting stronger.
I seem to 'have nothing' to share this morning. I was able to finish the baby blanket last night - only need to weave in the ends and I can put it in the bag with the other baby items. Still have the quilt to do but it isn't a rush. Neither was the blanket and I know it isn't needed, but now she will have something from her great-grandma. I wish I had gotten more blankets from my mom to pass on. I was able to give one to this granddaughter for her firstborn. I've kept some of the blankets I've made in the past for my children to pass on to their great-grandchildren. Some time I will sort them out.
Think I will stop writing in here and get in the shower. Maybe that will get my mind functioning as well as a clean body. I may even smell better. My boss gave me some 'shower steamers' which I plan to use. It's supposed to make the shower smell pretty as I wash. Rolling the eyes, right? Well, what else are they good for? You can breathe in lavendar to relax you; you can breathe in eucalyptus to open the lungs and nasal passages.... I forget what 'flavor' these are, but I'm going to use them!
I have no idea any more of what I wrapped for whom. They are all getting more than I meant to - and I don't care. Unless I know what they want, they get things they will wonder why did they get that. Oh well. I want to focus on my children ... but like us, if they want it, they get it, so there is nothing else they need. When I was growing up, we had need for many things. I think that is why I overdo it at times. We never had much, but we had what we needed. I've always remembered that. We didn't have all the extra stuff. I didn't get the Barbie. I barely remember having a doll, but it was a bride doll that someone bought me after my dad died. I remember playing the game of Jacks. And books. I was already reading books. Got my cedar chest at age 14. Other than a couple things mother made me out of ceramics (that have since gotten broken and thrown away), I can't remember any specific thing that stands out from the holidays. Well, other than mother always fixed fried chicken, ham, biscuits and gravy for breakfast after we opened the gifts.
It's ironic as I think back... my stepfather and my mother always had all of us kids gather, even after we were married with our own families, for years we sat around the large front room to open gifts. Seems like we all got to open one at the same time, then go around to see what it was and from whom. Took forever (like it does now). I actually prefer the one at a time now. I got a taste of complete chaos one Christmas when everyone opened all of their gifts at the same time, and I was so disappointed that I didn't get to see a couple people open some special gifts I had bought for them specifically. They ripped open the package; glanced at it, and moved to the next one. We have always commented we hated the one at a time per person... but I can see the value in it. Yes, they know it is from us, but there are some that have a special gift, and I do want to see their expression when they open it. Sometimes when I make something, like a quilt or blanket, my joy comes from seeing their expression of surprise and appreciation of knowing I worked so hard on something for them alone. Does that make sense?
I also need to find time this next week to work on the message that I will be sharing on the 29th. Then I also speak the following week so need to pull that together as well. Then I definitely need to clean this room!
My only excuse for all the gifts is that my mind deteriorated to the point I have no recollection of buying some items and when I received them, I just wrapped and put a name on them. I think that happens when life becomes overwhelming and exhaustion sets in, doesn't it? I desperately need to run away by myself and spend quality time with God with no interruptions. Not just a day, but for as long as I need. I've missed that solitude. Going to a hotel for a 'retreat' or even another house isn't the same thing. I still have hubby with me and usually in the same room. Ok - mind is going off on a rabbit trail. I need to start getting things done; get in the shower first. Looking forward to having family around today.
Sometimes life is different and difficult and we need to do different things. It isn't always easy to make that decision, but with God's help, and guidance, we can do it. I have to pray for strength to endure these end of life times, to be patient and to be kind. It's what I would want for myself as well. Age may just be a number, as Morgan tells me, but age also takes away living sometimes. So I put my trust in God and pray that He keeps me healthy and sane until the end. God is always good.
Blessings!
