What does 'Pride' have to do with life?

 Ah.... we all tend to have a bit of pride in us, don't you think?  Whether it is directed correctly or not, depends on what it is.  Let me back up a bit at the start of the day.

I really meant to go to church yesterday.  As I sat here yesterday and was typing, my stomach would start to hurt and I'd have to stop and get to the bathroom.  The second time just a short time later, I just said, "God, if I am to stay home today, then this will happen again."  Seriously, I said that, for I still meant to go to church.  And within 15 minutes, my stomach was cramping again and I had to head to the bathroom.  So when 8AM came around I told hubby I wasn't going to go to church because my stomach was cramping and I was afraid it would start at church and I didn't want any accidents.  So he decided to stay home too.  sigh.  Nothing wrong with him.  So I grabbed my Bible and notebook and said I was going to sit out in the courtyard where it was cool and in the shade.  Thinking it would be nice and quiet, I got settled there and opened my Bible to read some more.... and hubby sits down and starts talking.  He was not even acknowledging my 'space' of quiet.  Big sigh.  I finally gave up trying to read, and seeing the pots I had gone to Home Depot the day before, along with the potting soil, decided I would just replant the plants in the pots.  So I started on that, hubby asking if he can help ('but I can't get down on my knees') and I said no, I could do it, and had the planter on the table and started filling with dirt.  Long story short, he decided he could help afterall and was doing the little things he felt was necessary to help me.  I kept my mouth shut.  Now you know I like to do some things by myself, having a space to which I could think quietly.  Well, that wasn't going to happen.

My memory took me back to my childhood when, for getting some thinking time by myself, I would go outside and pull the weeds around the backyard chain link fence. I would stay out there for hours, just to get away from everyone and have some space.  I soon learned that if I worked at something, they would leave me alone.  Soon, I found out why because I broke out in a horrible rash of poison Ivy from the weeds at the back of the house.  It was even in my eyes, and so bad that I remember having to go to the doctor.  I was totally covered with poison ivy.   

Anyway, 'we' got the pots filled with the plants, I added soil to some of the other pots that needed it, and hubby watered them.  Then it was time for our church to start so we went in and watched it online. It was a good message.  I cooked T-bone steak and eggs for breakfast.  Yes, having steak for breakfast is a rare thing, but I had thawed it for the night before and we hadn't eaten it.   Then I decided I needed to go to JoAnn's to buy soft yarn to make a baby blanket for our 'new' great-grandson that will soon be coming to live with our son.  Have never met this one, and he is about 8 months old, I've been told.  I was gone 2-3 hours, I guess, just walking around and getting my 'space' for a bit.  

Coming back home, hubby was watching NCIS (shocker the TV was on, right?) so I sat down and watched a few before fixing dinner.  Watched another NCIS and then I got a text from my sister asking if I had watched Jentezen Franklin that morning (I had not).  So we switched over to You Tube and watched the service.  An AMAZING message on Pride.  Ouch, you think?   So many preachers nowadays just want to skip pride conversations.  We all have some pride, but sometimes that pride is taken too far.  I encourage you to watch the May 19th message @ Free Chapel.  It was really good. In fact, I'm thinking I'd like to watch it again.

Proverbs 16:18 (NKJV):  Pride goes before destruction, and a haughty spirit before a fall.

Can you think back to something you have been prideful about?  We always can think of someone else who is prideful, can't we?  But where in our own lives are we prideful?  I like to think that beyond being prideful about my children and grandchildren, and of course the great grandchildren, I am NOT prideful.  But yet, am I?   We can call it being stubborn, but are we prideful NOT to apologize, NOT to have 'that conversation' with someone? Do we think that if we ignore it, it will go away?  (Trust me, it doesn't, and the one who came to mind was once again on yesterday bringing up the past drama and elaborating on it with the "God knows" statement always thrown out there.  sigh. Some people just need affirmation ALL the time. But, continuing on....

Don't I put on makeup, fix my hair, dress fashionably - and am prideful about how I look?  (now mind you I much prefer no make-up, hair pulled back, comfy pants and a t-shirt to dressing up anymore)  I think I do it just to look nice, and I do.... but am I prideful in my appearance if I FEEL I look nice?  What about my cooking?  I'm just being honest here and sorting out this pride thing.... I love to cook and I love to give it away.  I love trying new recipes and sharing them.  Am I being prideful when something turns out good and it gets bragged about?  Am I being prideful about .... are there so many I can't think of what to write?  WHAT am I prideful about, and what is it that I am proud of and that is ok?  When does the pride turn in to sin?  

So instead of thinking of what I am prideful about that could be called a sin, I instead turn to God and pray, "Lord, make me a humble person."  Having a little extra money to do things with for the first time in my life doesn't make me proud, unless I flaunt it before others.  I am willing to walk away from my job and shut down that spending part of my life and make do with what we have.... only hubby won't hear of it.  I am willing to live without things, so that I can enjoy life.  Does that make sense?  But, perhaps now is not that time.  I like my job (most days), I enjoy my job (most days), but I am tired.  But there is nothing to fill the gap of time I spend in front of the computer.... because hubby would want to do it with me. A whole nother story for another day.

I could try writing... but 'try' is the word.  And what would I write about?  My dreams of becoming an author have dimmed greatly since my youth.  I do still have the title of the book in mind... but the contents is what sells it.   I would have to have something to fill my time; I could not 'retire' and just sit here at home and crochet, I'd go out of my mind.  I could not retire and just watch TV all day.  I don't want to sleep my life away.  And, because hubby has every excuse in the book not to hike or walk long distances, he doesn't want me to, because the boogie man might pull me off and hurt me.  Fear is another topic that hubby and I 'discussed' the other day.  I just let go on that one... and I told him... he needs to let go of his fear of being late, of being left alone, of no one checking on him, of no one caring for him, of something happening to me.  Again, another subject for another day.  Scared of our own shadow?

Sigh.  It's Monday and I am only working until 1 or 1:30PM - I can't remember what I told my bosses.  I'm sure I have it on the computer.  Already have lots to get done this morning. But, I'm going to stop here and get into the shower before I start work.  I can get dressed and make-up on (my family will thank me for that) during the morning.  It takes hubby longer to get ready than it does me. Figure that one out.  Anyway, we are being picked up early afternoon to head to a grandson's graduation.  I couldn't find the thermos I wanted to get him.... which was frustrating. I don't have time to go to another store this morning - that is what happens when I put it off.  I really thought I could find it at this one place - but they didn't have what I wanted and the second place I went to didn't have it either.  So I gave up. They prefer the money anyway, I'm sure. Although that isn't much.  I am thinking this may be the last graduation of a grandchild for us to attend.  I wonder where he will choose to start his journey in this new stage of life.  I just had a thought - lol - his two brothers work the night shift.... and from what I hear, that would be great for this one as he loves to sleep most of the morning.  Who DOES like getting up early to go to work?  

And I need to stop and jump in the shower before my 'free' times gets away from me.  Work computer is already on, but the shower comes first. Hope you have an amazing day!  Today we all will be full of pride as this young man walks across the stage.  And that is a good pride.

Blessings!

The touch of His hand.....

 By last night, I felt exhausted.  I don't know why I feel so tired anymore.... I tell myself I'm just being lazy.  But, in reality, is that all it is?  I WAS busy yesterday.. so it was a justified, good, tired.  And I felt so good mentally, about all I did get accomplished.  So what did I do yesterday?

Well.... I worked all day.  I mean desk work.  Hubby had a CT scheduled so when he left, I put together a shoe rack (complete with doors!) that I had purchased for his closet.  It wasn't hard to put together, but it took me awhile to figure out how to place the gadgets to hold it together.   But got it done and 'gave' it to him when he got back.  

I hauled two of our patio chairs that we weren't using over to Ms. Vicky's courtyard (again, while hubby was gone).  I put the cushions on them, took a little wire table over, and set it up in her courtyard that had been totally empty for so long.  I planted flowers in one pot she had and threw away another pot that was totally breaking up.  I pulled a big pot out of our garage and filled it with dirt and planted more flowers and put next to our gate.  I planted two other small pots and took over to Ms. Vicky's to set around her big pot.  I text'd Ms. Vicky and asked if I could fill the clay pot outside her gate and put flowers in it - and she text'd back that I could.  She doesn't know about all the other.  She will be back home from her Nebraska trip on Saturday, she thought.

And I made Shrimp, Corn, and Potato chowder.  And - it was very good.  Hubby and I ate a bowl for dinner and then I called Ms. Diane and took some over to her and visited for a little bit.  Since it was still hot, she had me go ahead and fix her a bowl of it - and she devoured it!  I never know if she eats any more of it after I leave it, but she insists she does.   And I left her enough for a couple bowls.  If she eats it, great! That means she eats something during the day and not waiting until her daughter comes at night.  I am concerned about her not eating as she is a diabetic, but all I can do is take it to her.  Her daughter keeps things in her refrigerator ready to eat for her as well.

So I was busy yesterday - and I loved every minute of it.  Oh - and I cleaned up our courtyard some and moved the chairs around.  All.by.myself.  And it felt good.

But I was exhausted last night - and still this morning when I got up at 4AM.  I settled back in my chair and yes, I fell asleep... and I dreamt.  It was interesting.... I was at a conference of some sort, sitting in the front row, first seat in the aisle.  I had my feet propped up on the stage and I was laying back in my chair.... sound asleep.  I could see myself asleep.  People would go to the stage and talk (about what, I have no idea)... but I slept.  Until this one time... whoever it was that spoke.... when they came down off the stage, they put their hand on my shoulder (was I snoring too loud?), and kept on walking.  That touch woke me this morning, as I sat here in my chair.  I felt a hand on my right shoulder; not shaking me awake, but just a gentle touch.

I heard hubby moving about and knew he would be bringing my coffee in soon.  But here in my room, I knew I was alone.... at least of people in human form.  Jesus is always with me and I like to believe that He put His hand on my shoulder to awaken me, that I had things to read and things to do for this day to get started.  What was the dream all about?  I have no idea.  But I love that He allowed me to sleep about a half hour more, then by the touch of His hand, awoken me to begin the day.  

Today I pick Ms. Amy up about 12:30PM to bring her back to her home so that she can meet the movers here.  She is planning ahead and wants to get a cost on what it would be to take some of her things to Florida when she moves there, which she is waiting on the final word from the assisted living there to tell her they are done fixing the place up from the the Hurricane that flooded it earlier this year.  She will be on the 2nd floor so not much needed to be done there, but there was quite a bit of water on the first floor and a lot of repairs that needed to be made.  She's still hoping for May, but it may be June as well.  In the meantime, I do what I can for her.  

My boss laughs at me because I call my neighbors my 'community project'.  But I do enjoy these women and love to do things for them when I can.  I got to thinking about it this morning... is this the ministry I am now called to?  For this moment in time, perhaps.  

Galatians 5:14 (NKJV):  "For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this: "You shall love your neighbor as yourself."

I think I got a spider bite on my wrist yeserday while I was working outside - or perhaps in hubby's closet!  It's itchy and red and has a hard center.  I'll find a bandaid and put raw honey on it and place on it - that should help.  I use raw honey for a lot of scratches and bites, and it heals it up (usually) fairly quick.  I love the 'old wives tales' that still work.  I don't remember most of them anymore, but when I do, I use them.  I may even have a book somewhere about them - or not.  I don't use the herbs or poultices, but raw honey - yeah I can do that.  I use that for boils too and it removes them in just a few days.  I remember when my middle child used to get boils on his back and his father would make him lay down so that he could pop them.  Our son would scream at the pain of them being popped, but his father would persist until he got them to pop open.  We never did know what caused them.  I know I read afterwards - and I think we actually did use them at one time, was raw uncured bacon.  You place the bacon over the boil and in time it will pull the white core out where you can just pick it off.  

I really ought to write down some of these 'old wives tales' as they come back to mind.  Ought to and doing it are two different things.

I've rambled on enough this morning so will hush - I have another project I want to get done - without hubby, hopefully - but need to work today as well.  I checked and I have about 30 emails for work already this morning.  Sigh. Sometimes they are never ending.  But, I'll get them caught up quickly; hopefully they won't be giving me much work to do.  Most are meeting acceptances for my bosses.  Or other executive assistants wanting time slots for meetings and I have to check calendars for when my bosses are available.  Oh well, all in a day's work, right?

Hope that YOUR day is simply amazing and that you are able to accomplish all that your heart desires.

Blessings!