I got home around midnight last night and hubby wanted to sit up and have me share about the day, which I did. I needed to unwind from the trip and calm down. I was exhausted, for sure as the day was busy for the most part.
I didn't sleep well the night before as I was so afraid we'd oversleep and wouldn't get to the funeral on time. In fact, I woke everyone up at 7:30AM to get ready! It was nearly a 50 minute drive to get to the funeral location, which was the cemetery. My sister had purchased a crypt so it was open with a curtain hanging over it so that after the funeral service they could slide her right in it and then put the marble slab back over the opening. My mama's crypt was just around the corner, and we were able to take flowers from our sister's funeral and place in the vase at Mama's crypt. My brothers, Sammy and Buddy, are at another cemetery, as well as Buddy's children, but we were unable to visit.
There were about 18 people that attended the funeral service. Only one was not a relative and yet she was, once removed. That would be Rita.. who had married my brother Sammy. It was funny... I asked my daughter if she remembered her from before she married my brother, we used to go over and swim in her pool. I remember my oldest son almost drowning in her pool and my jumping in fully clothed and pregnant, to get him out of the pool. My daughter remembered her, and when I mentioned she had been Sam's 2nd wife, lol, his 3rd wife, Pat, let it be known that she was his third and LAST wife. It was funny. I mentioned also that now that my older sister was gone, that I was now the older sister. I liked what Pat said - "You are the matriarch of the family now". Wow. Hadn't thought of it that way. I am the oldest female in my line. It does have more prestige than saying I'm the older sister, doesn't it! LOL
The funeral service went well, I think. I asked for people to say something about Jackie, to share. No one spoke or moved. Finally my daughter got up and mentioned about my sister calling her every year on her birthday to sing off key 'happy birthday'. After she sat down... nothing. I waited. Nothing. Finally I mentioned about our phone calls and how lately the phone calls were always "how much weight have you lost?" because and I always played along because she was thrilled to weigh less than me. No one else spoke a word of kindness about Jackie.
And granted, she wasn't always a nice person, but she was our sister and surely they could have said something kind about her. But no one else spoke. And that was sad. My little brother had told the chaplain at the hospital she was evil and that he had no good memories of her. How sad is that?
To pacify my little sister I mentioned that she occasionally called our older sister and would ask if she was ready to die, and always got the answer, "Yes, I'm ready". I saw a post my little sister put on facebook last night ... sometimes I don't understand her. She did not like our sister. She did not want to see her. She ignored her phone calls and I had to nag at her to call our sister and check on her. But all of a sudden she is so close to this sister. It makes me sad for she is wanting everyone to think things that are not true about their relationship.
It took us four days to get the apartment cleaned out, when it should have taken two. Three at the most. My little sister moves as fast as a sloth. In fact, what is so funny, is that my daughter shared a photo of a sloth and was talking about my granddaughter and great-granddaughter and their love of sloths - and my sister says "I collect sloths". I looked at her and asked "When did you start collecting sloths?" (she has none) and she responded "Two weeks ago".
I've sent up lots and lots of prayers this week because I just don't understand some people. I am so glad that I live in another state and am not caught up in all the nit-picking and back-biting that goes on in my family. I got to see my oldest brother and he never spoke against either one, although he does not have a relationship with them. He just asked how they were doing. And no, he did not go to the funeral. He will go to the crypt later. But the other two siblings, especially my little sister, had plenty to say and made jabs about my going to visit him. I choose to get along with all my siblings, they don't. It's their choice. I don't put them down because they choose to stay away.
I took today and tomorrow off work and I'm glad I did. I have around 400 emails I noticed so am thinking I may jump online some time today and get rid of the ones I don't have to do anything with. Make my inbox look better. And, it will make Monday morning - with timecards to do - much easier to manage. Today it is unpacking the suitcase and getting things back in place from my trip away. Tomorrow I plan to pick up a granddaughter and take her baby clothes shopping and let her stay the weekend with us. With my son in rehab, the daughter is taking her to her OB appointment tomorrow then dropping her off. I also have a massage scheduled for tomorrow afternoon, and after a week of intense neck pain, which is finally subsiding, I am ready for a good massage to loosen up the stress and all in my neck and shoulders.
I will miss my big sister, although we were not that close. We did keep in touch frequently, and I have no regrets at all. If I didn't take her call when she did call me, I called her back. If she called me six times a day (which she was known to do), or called me at 3AM (which she had), I always took her call. I listened, and we talked. We had a relationship. I still wonder what led her to do what she did. Yes, she had to have drank the antifreeze on her own accord. Did she realize that by drinking a cup full that it would kill her? Had she been taking small drinks of it all along and it only made her weak so that she would fall? Her death has been ruled accidental. And I believe it was. I really do not believe that she meant to kill herself. It's just the method that throws everyone off. She had numerous pain pills that she could have swallowed and we would have agreed it was suicide. But the antifreeze. And the many questions of 'Why?" What led her to this? Her son got out of the psych hosptial that morning and had returned to the apartment. Was that why she gave up and drank it all? He went back into the psych ward the next day ... and was unable to attend the funeral. The hospital didnot want him too for that would have taken him over the edge. His pets are safe; and he can pick them up anytime. But he has no place to live. He was given his mother's car and was told to sell it and use that money to pay a deposit on an apartment for himself. I feel sorry for him. He's lost his mother, his pets, and he has absolutely no one who cares about him. My brother and sister want nothing to do with him, but my brother is the only one he will obey. I truly hope he can get his life back.
Hoping to get back on track soon, but since I have for several days now, shared some of what was going on, wanted to finish and let you know I'm back home. And for some reason, I am in no hurry to go back, even to visit. They need to move on with their own lives, and so do I.
My sister, Jackie, touched each of us in different ways. She wasn't always kind. She had a sharp tongue and said hateful things (and my little sister is getting just like her!), but I loved her. We were not that close, but we were friends as sisters. She loved me, and I loved her.
And that's what families just do. We love in spite of our differences.
Blessings!
