Part of me wishes that I had today off work - and yet - why? The only thing I have going on during the day - after my walk with hubby this morning - is having lunch with a friend who has retired. She contacted me last week and I chose the date, but I'm wishing I had scheduled it for another date. This week is going to be busy. Lunch with my friend, tonight we are going to go watch "Journey with Jesus" that is being shown at a theatre not far from here. I bought tickets a couple weeks ago. Tony Evans, and his daughters Priscilla Shirer and Crystal Hurst went to Israel and they filmed their trip. I'm hoping it is a good showing and I get something out of it. I think I am just tired this morning so am not really into meeting up with anyone.
It will be a crazy busy week anyway - tomorrow I have lunch in Tempe with my doctor friends and my boss; girls night out in the evening. Wednesday I go to the vascular doctor with hubby to hear what they are going to do with the aneurysms. Yes, plural. He has three aneurysms this doctor is looking at. I don't normally go with hubby to his doctor appointments, but for some reason he asked me to go with him, so I am. My work schedule is going to be messed up this week, for sure. Maybe I will see about just taking tomorrow off work.... that way I won't be so time-conscious when I meet with my friends.
Yesterday was a good day; went to church at the RV park and it went well. So many of these people have become good friends. We go back in two weeks when hubby is supposed to speak. I need to get started on another message as I speak in December at both RV parks. The good part is, the message I gave yesterday I can do at the other one, but I do need a 'new one' for where I've already given it. Interestingly, hubby was commenting yesterday that he is pondering about whether or not to continue his speaking at the RV parks this next year. That is something I can't answer for him. I told him he needs to discuss it with God and see what direction he is taken. Sometimes I struggle with finding something, but I always feel I am doing what God has directed me to do. At least for now. I just wish I had more time to spend on searching for messages and learning to create my own from beginning to end. It's a long story as to why I don't/can't... and I'm not going to go there. I guess one could say I resigned that many years ago.
We heard a couple great messages yesterday - well, I did. I loved the one CCV did - it is the last in the series on 'hurry'..... and this one was titled 'Solitude''. I really enjoyed it and want to listen to it again. I enjoy solitude, and have been thinking a lot lately of my need to get away by myself and just spend time with God. I'm hoping that I can find a day between now and the end of the year to do just that. Hubby will do it cause I'm doing it and he doesn't like me out of his sight. But - when he's with me, I'm not really 'alone' so my mentality is a struggle too. Distracted. And I can fast during a retreat - but he struggles with it. Food is an issue between us at times....
Another message we listened to last night was by Jentezen Franklin... and he spoke on 'what if people don't believe your dream?' Meaning, what if God gives you a dream, and people don't believe that He gave it to you? So let's think about this.... what dream did you have as you were growing up? Was it to be a teacher? A preacher? An executive? An author? A husband? A wife? A nurse? A doctor? The list could go on and on. I've often tried to reach way back in my mind to see what I thought about becoming as I grew up - I defintely wasn't encouraged to be anything. The one that comes to my mind the most is an author. I always wanted to write a book. I wrote some short stories when I was in high school - nothing of any value - but taking objects and bringing them to life. That was fun. One time I thought I'd write about my life growing up.... the pain, the hurt, the ... well, I don't think anyone wants to read about that. Over the years life took over and I lost that dream. Was it MY dream - or did God place that dream in my heart? I've often thought about trying to do something, but work and life always interfered. I know my son and his daughter can write, but time and the courage to complete it sometimes compete, I think.
My dreams have faded a lot over the years - not from my own doing - but my own circumstances. What I have wanted has never come to fruitation, and it hurts that it hasn't. But God knows my wants and my dreams and I have to entrust Him with them. Sometimes I just have to let go of my dreams.
I honestly feel that God called me into ministry and He opened doors that I never thought would open. But the struggle has been real when there is competition within. It weighs heavily upon me that I have never been able to do what I always felt God wanted me to do. My dream was to quit my 'day job' and be on staff at a church. At one time I was mentally prepared and ready to do so; but my circumstances would not allow it. Now I'm too old for anyone to consider me. Yes, I can do Bible studies and am happy to do so. But my heart hurts I never was able to have my dream.
So what has been your dream? What did you want to be when you grew up? Now that you are older, what are you dreaming of doing? Is it working with your hands? Writing that book you have put off for years? Going back to school for no other reason than to learn more, getting refocused on life? Have you ever thought about learning a new trade, something that will inspire you and give you hope and meaning? The thought of my nephew just popped into my mind. He went to Purdue University and gradudated with an Engineering degree. You know what he has done since? He makes carvings - very good carvings - out of wood and he has his own shop. He has other carvers who come in and do carvings, and he sells them. So much for an engineering degree. But he is now fulfulling something that he enjoys doing.
What about you? What dream have you had that hasn't been fulfilled yet? And what are you going to do about that dream? One has to start somewhere. Why not start today - look up those courses you think you need. What can you do to begin to live again?
Perhaps you have had a 'career' in something you have enjoyed doing but feel it has lost it's tug on your heart. Maybe it is time for a change. Take a moment and ask God what does He want you do to - and watch doors begin to open. Take each door to Him and ask if it is the one you are to go through. And trust Him in the process. You may find your joy again. It's worth it.
Pursue your dream. If it isn't attainable now, find one that you can pursue, and begin to dream again.
Blessings!
