I once again got the jagged lightening bolts this afternoon - to the point I took a pill and laid down for a little bit. Third time in four days... I have no idea what is going on. Stress? Don't know what I'm stressed about.. . although since I am starting this on Sunday afternoon, I could very well be going into stress with the drama going on within family. I'm stunned, I'm disappointed, and I'm concerned. And I will leave it at that. If I continue to get these vision blocks and jagged lightening bolts (very little bit of a headache) , I'm not sure if I should go see my eye specialist again or go to my new doctor. Don't want to take tests; don't want to go to the doctor, don't want to do anything. But I can't do things with spotted vision. Will see if it goes away.
I wrote that late yesterday afternoon in between wrapping presents and taking a rest. The jazzed lightening bolts go away after taking a pill. It started coming back before I went to bed so I took another pill when I went to bed. I'm hoping whatever was going on, is gone. I have much to do today for work (timecards, board retreat, etc.) and need to be able to see and think clearly. I've already taken an Ibuprofen this morning - my head has a dull ache to it.
I started reading Job this morning. And I'm reminded that some time God allows 'bad' things to happen; not for punishment, but it allows us to deepen our dependence and relationship with Him. Ok, that is what I'm saying, cause when I am at my worst in emotions, that is when I am most dependent upon Him.
Yesterday's message at the RV park went well, I think. I spoke on chaos in our lives - that sometimes God is behind it, sometimes He is in it, and sometimes He is with us through it. With drama going on within the family right now, I'm not sure where He is in this! How I pray this child of mine would turn his eyes back on Jesus as he did as a child, and realize that the only way he is going to recover from anything, is to put his dependence back on the One who created him. I pray that this will be the catalyst that will turn his heart back to God. I've 'read' both stories of what happened; an immature child against a drunken father. My heart grieves for both for a wedge is being driven. A child determined to follow her boyfriend's words because she cheated on him and has no place else to go (in her mind), and a father wanting to protect his child.... and yet.... oh there is so much drama that I can only put it before the Lord and ask Him to intervene and restore this relationship.
I was asked to speak again next Sunday at this RV park because the person currently assigned is getting over COVID and needs to step back. He also wanted to 'trade' for one of mine, and I have no problem with that. I suggested taking Christmas morning - and he did! That will be helpful for me, although now it doesn't really matter. Still working on the logistics of Christmas Eve/Christmas Day... but another granddaughter called me yesterday and her grandmother in-law want to do Christmas on the Eve... which is usually her family's time with us. What else can I say but ok? It seems we are often pushed back to accommodate others... and it doesn't matter. So that family will now come for lunch on Christmas Eve... so I'm thinking of asking the son who comes for lunch on Christmas, to move to dinner on Christmas Eve.... which will allow me more time to work on a nice dinner for another son's family. Either way, I get to be with family and that makes it perfect for me.
Hebrews 4:16 (NKJV): "Let us therefore come boldly to the throne of grace, that we may obtain mercy and find grace to help in time of need."
God still answers quick and 'in the moment' prayers that we speak. But how much more does He love when we boldly go before His throne and call out what our need is! Oh to relish in the grace that He longs to gives to each of us - and all we need to do is ask for it. I know I am desperate for His grace and mercy and very often (if not daily!) ask Him for grace and mercy just to get through the day! Especially when things happen, or things are not going as I think they should. Does He always give me what I ask for? No. But He does help me get through whatever I thought was a tragedy, and when I look back on that situation, that fear I had, or that struggle I was going through - I can clearly see His hand on getting me through it.
In spite of what life throws at me, I know beyond all doubt that God is able to right the wrongs, to bring healing and wholeness in to every situation. My faith and my trust is completely in Him. I may not understand the WHY something happened.... perhaps I am not supposed to understand.... but I am to continue trusting and believing that by His grace and mercy towards me and those I love, that He is more than able to heal, to restore and make everything new - in His timing and in His way. Faith used to be my #1 spiritual gift... and I still believe with all my heart that God can do and will do anything He wants to do in any situation. I can remember when my faith was 'totally out there'... and it didn't falter because of anything God did... perhaps I was being tested and failed... I believe it was because of words spoken by others that caused me to step back from verbally declaring my faith. I don't know. Perhaps it was just for that season. But this I do know, I believe that God can and will do anything He wants to do according to His will. I believe He can still make the blind man see, raise up someone from the dead; He can still heal diseases; and He can still bring prodigal children home.
But I have to ask. Well, sometimes He operates on His own, of course, but our God loves it when we come to Him with our requests, our needs, and lays them out before Him and just ask Him to do it. Sometimes He will... sometimes He doesn't. It's all because He can see the big picture of what happens if our requests get answered according to what WE want, versus what He gives us. We always want our way, don't we?
How many times do we thank God for the times He didn't answer because it wasn't the right answer even though we asked for it? Sometimes it's a good thing to not get our requests answered. And we can also thank Him for that.
I've got a busy day ahead so need to get mentally prepared. Got some wrapping done yesterday and since no Bible study tonight, may work on more. Helps me figure out what else I need to purchase - and I've spent way too much money... and on less items. Go figure. At some point I just have to say no more. I've just about reached there.
Where are you in your seeking God for His grace and mercy upon your day? He's waiting on you to just ask Him your request. Need help with work? (I run to Him daily in this request!) Feeling crummy and need clarity? Struggling with a child? All these things you can seek Him for. Take a moment and just rest in His Presence... and seek His face. It's the best way to start the day.
Blessings!
