On our Fitbits there is a program that tracks our sleep, our breathing while we sleep, and in the morning it calculates how well you slept, how your breathing was during the night, etc. We watched a couple movies last night so went to bed about 10:30PM I guess. I thought I slept good last night. I don't recall waking up until around 5-ish this morning, so thought I should have a great score on my sleep. It's less than what it has been all week! I felt fairly good when I first woke up, and numbers make me wonder what in the world is going on? Even my breathing was messed up more than usual. I am sure I have some apnea because of the extra weight I am carrying around. I really do need to get back to walking and weights again and drop this butt weight. That's what happens when one sits all day in front of the computer five days a week - and then walks into the front room and sits on the couch. Weekends are worse cause then I'm sitting all weekend too. I've gotten way too lazy and I beat myself up about it, and yet, don't seem upset enough to do anything about it. I would like to say I've had enough and today I'm going to start, but my life is not my own and in spite of my own resolves to do something, I'm not always able to do what I want to do. Life isn't always what it seems.
We did watch a couple good movies last night off of either Netflik or Prime Video; can't remember which. One was 'Mary for Mayor' which was a fun movie about a young woman who is frustrated with the mayor, who just happens to be her father, because he isn't improving the town she so loves. It's a great movie and I would recommend it. Another great movie we watched was... can't remember the name of it! But it has been on my mind a lot. If I think of it later, Just tried to look it up - I think it is called 'Welcome to Paradise'. It's about a female preacher who is an associate at this large rich church and the senior pastor doesn't want her there. The last straw is there is no air conditioning and everyone is sweating up a storm, and she (gasp!) takes off her clergy robes (she had on a pant suit under it) and continues speaking. At the podium she took off her clergy robe! And for that, the senior pastor called in the bishop and they sent her to a little town two hours away called Paradise. Don't want to give too much away but I must admit, I wish I had her fire and gumption. She defied the odds and met the towns needs and brought people together. Brian Dennehy is in it too and it was a great movie. And it's clean. It is getting harder and harder sometimes to find a movie without language or 'sexual content'. We attempted to watch one movie last night that said 13+ and thought it couldn't be bad - and as the movie came on, the 'warning' of foul language and sexual content' came on the screen. I just can't watch those and it bothers me so we switch them off. But this was a great movie (Welcome to Paradise) and it's on Prime Video, I think. A good clean movie. Rare to find.
The attitude of the male senior pastor made me think about a prejudice that has even happened to me. I know that many men feel women should not be pastors; for whatever reason. When we were going up north to a church up there weekly, and were on staff, occasionally the senior pastor would ask me to speak. After awhile, I noticed that neither hubby nor I were being asked. Since it confused me somewhat, I asked one Sunday why he wasn't asking us to speak anymore. He brushed off my question and didn't answer. Later though, he confided in hubby. A new member of the church had told him he didn't believe women should be speaking in the church, and because the senior pastor wanted to keep this member (could have been he tithed a lot?) he would not ask me to speak again. And he couldn't ask hubby because it would then be obvious he wasn't asking me. I was blown away when I heard that and I lost some respect for that pastor because I felt he was listening to men and not to God. Especially when he would bring in outside pastors to speak and we were attending - and on staff (albeit unpaid) - at that church. Discrimination at its best, I guess. Since that time I have been very conscious of what some people consider a woman's role in the church. I'm fortunate that the RV parks we speak at don't feel that way. Whenever God feels I shouldn't do it anymore, I'm willing to step aside. I'm probably better at teaching anyway, but it should be God's decision, not man's. I used to have dreams of serving God on staff at a church. It is still a deep longing for me. But it obviously was not in God's plans for me. Hubby has always made it known that we have to be a couple. Unless it was just him. And it has caused great anguish along the way. He will be held accountable, just as I will, for what we did or didn't do.
Hubby's fears of something happening to me and being alone has kept me from a lot of things over the years. I don't know what has caused him to be so afraid. Maybe it is losing his security blanket? His fear is so great, that even if I go to the store by myself, I must take my taser with me. I get it, though, things happen everywhere. But would I even remember I had the taser? His far has made me more cautious, for sure. I pay more attention to my surroundings as a rule. But it isn't going to change anything if it is my time and God says "Now". Death can happen anywhere, and at anytime. It's not man's choice, although he man inflict the body. It's still God's decision on whether there will be 'hit or miss', 'life or death'. And our job is to be ready when that time comes. When that second comes that our heart stops beating, will we know without a doubt where we are going?
John 14:6 (NKJV) "I am the way, the truth, and the light. No one comes to the Father except through Me."
John 5:24 (NKJV) "Most assuredly, I say to you, he who hears My word and believes in Him who sent Me has everlasting life, and shall not come into judgment, but has passed from death into life."
So what has been your dream? Have you fulfilled it? Has that been a secular dream? Has your dream ever been to serve God in any way you could? Feeding the homeless, serving in the community, picking up litter along the street, donating your time to help others.... there are so many ways that we can be Jesus to this hurting and hungry world. My heart grieves at the things I have not been able to do. I can only hope that before I die, I won't be too old to live out some of my dreams. I love people and I would love to donate my time and talents (if there are any), to help others.
Do you? How do you help others in this world who are not as fortunate as you? How do you reach out to give a helping hand to someone in need? Is your hand open or closed?
Something to think about in all my ramblings this morning.
Until tomorrow....
Blessings!
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