By that I mean eye contact, mind focused on what is being said. For some of us, it probably has been awhile. To listen to anyone.
I've been reading information on "listening" the past week or so and today there was a story that really hit home. Not for the "situation" but more for the listening.
If you show people how much you care and ask questions in a nonthreatening way, you'll be amazed by how much they'll tell you.
..........In our careers, we have done a lot of speaking. Between the two of us (John Maxwell and Jim Dornan), we speak to several hundred thousand people every year. Jim’s wife, Nancy, does a lot of speaking – and believe us, she is a great talker! But she is also a wonderful listener, and sometimes when she speaks, she talks about communication and the importance of listening. Not long ago she gave a talk about listening that emphasized giving other people the benefit of doubt and trying to see things from their point of view.
In the audience that day was a man named Rodney. Though he was happily married and had a young son, he had been previously married and had two daughters with his first wife. And he was having problems with her. She was constantly calling him and asking for more money for herself and the two girls. They argued continually, and she was driving him so nuts that he had already hired an attorney and was preparing to sue her.
But when Rodney heard Nancy speak about listening that day, he realized how insensitive he had been to his ex-wife, Charlotte. A couple of days later he called her and asked if they could meet. She was suspicious of Rodney and even asked her attorney to call him to find out what he was up to. But eventually, Rodney convinced them that he just wanted to talk, and finally, Charlotte agreed to see him.
They met at a coffee shop, and Rodney said, “Charlotte, I want to listen to you. Tell me what your life is like. I do care about you and the kids.”
“I didn’t think you cared about the girls at all,” she said as she began to cry.
“I do,” he said. “I’m sorry. I’ve only been thinking of myself, and I haven’t been thinking of you. Please forgive me.”
“Why are you doing this?” she asked.
“Because I want to make things right,” he answered. “I’ve been angry for so long that I couldn’t see straight. Now, tell me how things are going for you and the girls.”
For a while, Charlotte could only sob. But then she started telling him about her struggles as a single parent and how she was doing her best to bring up the girls, but that it didn’t seem like enough. They talked for hours, and as they did, the beginning of a new foundation of mutual respect formed. In time, they believe they will be able to become friends again.
Rodney is probably not alone. Can you think of people you haven’t been listening to lately? And what are you going to do about it? It’s never too late to become a good listener. It can change your life – and the lives of the people in your life.
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How many times have we been in a car with someone and they were talking - and our thoughts were elsewhere? How many times have we gone to a restaurant with a family member and instead pulled out our "smartphone" rather than talk with them?
Make it a point this weekend - whether at home or out somewhere - whomever you are with - talk to them - and take time to listen to what is going on in their lives.
You will be glad you did.
Blessings!
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