I actually ran.....

 ok, not fast, but I did run.  I got on the treadmill at my first break I took yesterday and started a short trot.  I was able to start there, and work up to a run and did it for five minutes!  LOL  Ok- that doesn't sound like much - and for most people it probably isn't - but for someone who hasn't really 'run' in years - 5 minutes is a lot!  The plus is that I was not huffing and puffing.... but I only had a few minutes and needed to get back to work.  I just did what I could with what time I had.  Could I have run further on the treadmill - possibly.  But also possibly not much more.  It felt good to be able to do it.  It's the little things we can do as we age, right?

I had a lot of little things to accomplish yesterday with work so only took one break.  Even 'lunch' was about 5 minutes long as I had things to get done.  But get them done I did, and when 4PM came, I was able to get off the computer, grab my things, and head over to my daughter's.  It was our Tuesday night 'fun time' - only this time we couldn't crochet.  Yep... moving again.  They sold the house they are currently in and are moving.  I got to see the 'new' place they have bought and are moving to.  They are also fixing it up so a lot of things were still undone.  It has become a joke with my oldest and youngest.... I love to bake and to cook things.... and both of them get the double ovens in the kitchen.  Yes, I'm jealous.  But I told my daughter that at least my car has heated seats!  LOL  We all had a laugh last year when it was discussedd she has the newer car but no heated seats.  Both her daughter and I have heated seats in our cars and they are older (by a year or two).  I spent the rest of the evening packing up the china cabinet.

Got a call from the youngest while there that the nephew decided to take off that evening... when asked if he cleaned the apartment of the mess his bird and dog leave... he brushed off the question.  I'm sure he left it all for the roommate to clean up - but the daughter and son-in-law are going over today to take photos of what he left.  He told the roommate "whatever I left you can have" so we don't know what he did leave - other than a laptop that belonged to his mother - he took it when he left.  I know - why would he leave that?  I think it is to compensate for the mess he left everything in?  Not that the roommate needs the laptop... I don't know.  I just pray he gets home.  He doesn't know how to use GPS on his phone; his truck doesn't have it.  He was calling the youngest to ask him the route to take - and did not write anything down.  I really hope he makes it back ok, but I am also fearful that he won't.  I don't know why he thinks he can drive for how many hours it takes without stopping to rest.  He is driving with his bird and dog....  Lord, please protect him and get him home quickly and safely.  Make the roads clear and non-confusing.  Help him to think clearly.

I learned a new saying yesterday.... I've gotten used to saying "not my monkey, not my circus" - meaning it's not my problem.  The new saying I heard was "not my pig, not my farm".  I think it's funny. Regardless, some things are still not our problem and we just need to back away and not own them.

I'm grateful that God doesn't say that to us, aren't you?  Could you imagine God looking down on us and saying "not my monkey, not my circus" or "not my pig, not my farm" and leaving us to wallow in the mess we make of our lives?   I can imagine what my life would be like if He had said that, and I am grateful every day that He drew me to Him and gave me the desire to know Him.  I am grateful for His forgiveness and boundless love that He gives me.   He can take all the 'crap' in my life, and wipe it away and give me a new start.  I may have to work through issues, through life, from things I've done or said or ....  but Jesus is my Strength and my Song.  He gives me just what I need to accomplish whatever comes up before me.  Many times I just don't see how I'm going to get through it - for as you know, life can sometimes be very painful, very hard.

And that's when I remember something my mama always said... and I've said it frequently... and even now my friends say it.... "This too shall pass".  The hurt, the pain, the sorrow.... it will all pass away.  Time lessens the pain of loss.  We can't live there in it for then we begin to 'own' it..... Jesus wants us to give that pain, that sorrow, that hurt to Him - no matter what it is.   The grief of whatever we go through, the loss of a job, the loss of a loved one, the rejection of a child or friend... all these things hurt deeply.... but 'this too shall pass'.

Mother also always told me (mainly when I complained about something the older sister did)... "pray for her.... she needs it".  Truer words were never spoken for each of us.  We all need prayer every day.  Many of you do not pray.  And yet, every sigh is a prayer, every wistful thought is a prayer.  It just isn't verbalized.  Why not try verbalizing what you are feeling? 

"Lord, I know that what I'm feeling isn't of you, but part of life.  I am feeling hurt, confused, and unworthy.  I need to feel loved and comforted right now, and I don't know how to get it.  Would You please comfort my heart and bring peace to it?  Would You please wrap Your arms around me and remove the pain I feel inside?  Life is hard, Lord, but I know You can help me get through it.  That 'this too shall pass'.  In Luke, Your Word says... "and it came to pass...". so I am believing, Lord, that what I am going through right now, whether it be health issues or heart issues, that this too shall pass.  Please give me the wisdom to know what to do, and to trust that You will get me through it.  In Jesus' name, Amen."

Romans 8:28 - All things work together for those who love the Lord, who are called according to His purposes.

Trust Him.  What you desire, what you are going through... you will soon be able to say, "and it came to pass....".

Blessings!

the call came.....

 After hearing rumors the past week or so, I got a phone call yesterday afternoon from 'the nephew'.  He tells me that Wednesday (as in tomorrow), he will be packed and heading back to his home state because he feels he needs to take care of his mama.  Now it's very nice that a child would want to take care of his mama, I'm not knocking that at all.  But I don't think it is as much as him taking care of his mama, as his mama taking care of him.  I asked him if he plans to get an apartment near his mother, and he knew the ones I was referring to.  Interestingly, he tells me "I'm going to stay with mom until I find a place."   I wonder if he knows that his mother has told everyone he is NOT going to move in with her, even for a short time, with a bird and a dog.  The last time he stayed with her 'a short time', he never left, and his bird and dog destroyed her apartment.  I did call and update my little brother as his wife checks in on our sister and does things for her.  He had not heard about the return of the nephew and isn't real happy he is coming back... but the good news would be if he does make it back and moves in or nearby to take care of his mama, the little brother's wife won't get 4 calls a day (without fail, he says) for things the sister wants.  The nephew can do the grocery runs, the listening to the complaing, the taking to doctor visits, etc.  Part of me feels sorry for my sister, and part of me feels sorry for the nephew.  I did tell the nephew that I am sorry that it didn't work out here for him, but on the positive side, he did get some things taken care of (truck fixed up, new tires, etc.) that the son-in-law took care of for him and let him pay him back by working it off.  He did get his own place to stay in for awhile.  He did get set up on food stamps and insurance and other things that he had no clue how to get.  So there are some positives along with the negatives.  He's lonely and homesick.  I get that.  He was calling his mother every night and she would tell him (I imagine, as she tells me every time I talk with her) how bad she was feeling, that she fell out of bed again, or her ribs hurt from falling, etc.  Of course he feels that he needs to come take care of her.   I just pray that he makes it back safely.  I'm not too sure he can on his own, but he says he has GPS so if he doesn't run into any medical anxiety issues, he should make it back ok.  I am praying for safety for him, even before he starts out.  And I am sorry it didn't work out for him here.  But instead of wanting a new life like he said when he came out, he really wanted someone else to take over responsibility for him, taking care of his needs.   During the call he says that he wants to thank us for his birthday dinner (back in December, before Christmas) because we acknowledge it and made a big deal of it, and for all the gifts he received for Christmas.  And he told me he loved me, so I guess that means I am still his favorite aunt, in spite of everything.  I do wish him well and pray that while he was out here, he learned some things that he can apply to his life back home.  I imagine the quarantine played a big part in his struggles here as well.  I know it plays a big part in our lives no matter what we do.

Hubby and I weighed in yesterday for our first week of this new meal plan.  I lost 4.6 pounds; hubby lost 4 pounds.  Not bad at all for the first week.  Of course we didn't follow it to a 'T', but pretty much did.  I'm still fixing some foods that we are not to have, but smaller portions.  Can't see wasting food if I've already opened it.  Like mashed potatoes.  mmmm  I love mashed potatoes and corn, and I love mashed potatoes and broccolli.  For lunch yesterday I fixed cubed steak with a heaping tablespoon of mashed potatoes for each of us - along with broccolli and cauliflower mixture.  And it was good.  I have no idea what to fix today... yeah, some times I end up cooking lunch as I would dinner.  But for dinner I created a new recipe - rather, I revised a recipe I saw.... using riced cauliflower the recipe called for mozarella cheese - of which I didn't have... but I did have parmasean romano cheese... so I used it.  Add egg, Italian seasoning, salt... and bake until it is all melted together.  The it called for Alfredo sauce, of which I didn't have any.... so I chopped up chicken on the the top and added more cheese...then added salsa on top of that (it called for Buffalo sauce)... and baked some more... oh yeah, it was good.  But too cheesey for me.  There are leftovers for lunch today and then I'm done with that recipe for awhile.  Yep, that cheese was too fattening to use, but I used it up.  Will have to watch it close to lose weight this week.  But I did lose an inch off my belly, which is my main goal anyway.

I believe that God wants each one of us to live healthy, happy, and productive lives.  I've always been pretty much healthy but am looking to this new meal plan to straighten out some numbers that need to be dropped (cholesterol, gluclose).  They weren't out of whack, but were moving up.  I already feel like I have more clarity and more energy, even after one week.  I feel like I am able to do more things now than I did before.  And that's a good thing.   I even worked out some with my weights yesterday.  Haven't gotten it moved to the garage yet, but will soon.  I made space for it in the garage yesterday when hubby left for an errand.  He hasn't noticed yet I moved the treadmill (all by myself!!). 

Just checked my phone.... the youngest son text'd after I went to bed last night... his call from the nephew said he was leaving today.  Must have gotten packed up sooner than planned.  I wonder what all he is taking for all of us have given him so many things to get him set up in the condo - dishes, pans, etc.  Is he leaving it all for the roommate or taking it with him.   Will find out tomorrow.  If the roommate needs some things, I'm sure we all still have enough extras that we can pass on to him.

I have been thinking a lot lately about my health.  I'm grateful to God that I am healthy, but that can always change in a moment's time.  I don't know the plans He has for me, whether it is to live long and healthy, or to take me home in a moment's time.  I was thinking of my great granddaughters yesterday, how I long to have a relationship with them.  I want them to remember always great-grandma - aka Oma - loved them so much, that I would get down at their level and play with them.  Of course one at four months is too young... two are out of state.... one is up north, and the other is in south.  Some things are not in my control... but I am trusting God that He will help me build that relationship I crave with each one.  I often think of a comment my daughter made to me when her children were young.  I was down on the floor playing with her children and she commented she never remembered her grandmother getting down on the floor to play with them.  And I couldn't either.

So for no other reason, I want to be healthy and able to 'get down on the floor' to play with the little ones.  I want to make the memories my children never had with their grandmother.  I want to live.  And I thank God that He has given me that desire to change how I eat, how I view life.  I'm not perfect, but it is truly 'one day at a time'.

Have a blessed day!

Yesterday was a good day....

I just erased everything I wrote.  I do tend to ramble a lot lately, don't I?!  I don't need to write as if this was a diary.  And yet, it is in a way.  I've sat here and written in this for 30 minutes and when I looked at it, realized the question of 'who cares?'.  So I erased it.

In keeping with my title, yesterday was a good day.  We watched Jentezen Franklin (me for the second time) for our service, then got ready to meet a grandson who is in town for lunch.  He had text'd the day before and wanted to meet up with us.  It was good to catch up on what is going on in his life.  Graduation is around the first weekend in May.  He will be in town for about a month and has been assigned a base in New Mexico for his start in the military.   Will miss his stopping by to see us.  It was a good breakfast and a good visit with him.

Then home for awhile.  I can't think of anything we did specifically except reading and/or crocheting for awhile.  I did talk with my little sister to catch up on what is going on with her, and then my big sister because I knew she had gotten her first vaccine shot on Friday.  She said she isn't doing well and has been in bed since then.  I understand the second shot could make you sick, but hadn't heard the first one did.  But she does have GIST and RA so maybe... but she does make things bigger than they are too.  I'll text our little brother today and ask him to check on her.  Rather, he will send his wife as he isn't doing well either... smoking and drinking has taken the toll on his body and he is now on oxygen at night as he has been diagnosed with COPD as well as sleep apnea and being overweight.  And he continues to drink and smoke.  Between my older sister and my younger brother, it's like they are trying to see which one dies first.   I hope we can make it back there some time later this year before any of that happens.  We haven't been back since 2013.  I've seen my little brother as he came out here, and he has mentioned he may make another trip out here this year.  Will see if he can.  At least he is making the plans to travel, but with his health, I don't know if he can do it.

My older sister shared her son is moving back there within a week or so.  I was skeptical of that news as she has said that before.  But checking with my youngest son, it is true.  The roommate is going to take over the entire lease so the nephew can leave.  I hate it that things turned out the way it has, but he wants someone to take care of him, and doesn't want a new start on life as he said.  He wants someone to pamper him and he doesn't have to do anything.   My sister thinks he will get an apartment.... I bet he is thinking of moving back in with her.  And the complaining begins.  But he tells her he needs to come home to take care of her.  And she is just as bad.  She doesn't want responsibility of him, but wants him to take care of her.  I'm staying out of it.  I'm sorry it didn't work out here; he has only contacted me one time since Christmas and that was an early morning call that I didn't answer.  He walked off the job with my son-in-law in January and has never contacted since to see if he could come back to work or what. He chose to live off his disability check and do nothing.   What slammed the door on some relationships is when he was given food... and two days later it was gone... and asked about it ... told he 'threw it away'... well, don't come asking for food if you are going to throw it away because it isn't what you want.  I told my sister months ago I was going to pack him up myself and send him back to her.  She always responded "I don't want him back.  You take care of him."   Not going to happen.  He's 46 years old and should be taking care of himself.   I've sent him a couple texts but he hasn't responded so I figure he is mad at me about not babying him.  I guess that means I'm not his favorite aunt anymore too.

I started to fix dinner last night but realized we were out of coffee except for a few k-cups of some that was 'weak'.  So we went to dinner and stopped to pick up "bold" coffee.  I do love a good cup of coffee in the mornings.  I told hubby, after getting the coffee, "See, I can walk into the grocery, pick up one thing, and come right back out!"  In and out in just a few minutes.  I spent the longest time trying to pick out what coffee to get.  I like strong and bold; he likes medium.   Sorry, but I need the 'slap in the face and a good morning' first thing in the morning.  From my coffee, that is.

It was a good weekend and here it is Monday morning.  I'm rambling again, aren't I?  Maybe I need that second cup of coffee?  

Weigh in today and I am ready for it.  We've done real well with our meal plan this week.  Not too sure about hubby for he still eats more than he should when he goes out (and consider 3 meals out with his buddies a week, not counting if we go out once or twice).  I had to check yesterday and I was down 5 pounds - will see where the scale lands today as we did go out to dinner last night.  But I also had a Greek salad and I couldn't eat it all.  I'm eating less, so my stomach is shrinking, for which I'm grateful.  I am glad I (we) made the decision to do this new plan. Yes, I've been on diets for years - some worked some didn't, but I never stuck to them.  I am really trying hard to stick to this one, and thus far it hasn't been too bad.  It's like the keto diet - which I haven't been able to maintain for some reason.  Cutting back on carbs and processed foods have made a difference.  I have more energy already (after just a few days I gained back energy) and am thinking more clearly.  This after just a week.  I want to live a long and healthy life..... and I can only do that by eating healthy.  I don't even have to exercise with this new meal plan, but I do want to get the flab in shape with some muscle.  I eat every two hours so don't feel like I'm starving at any time.  I even have a snack at night!  Of course it is the plan I'm on which they call the 4+2+1 plan....  I want to lose about 30 pounds so will see where this goes.  I do not plan for my children to take care of me in my old age.  I take care of myself now, and I can take care of myself later.  I refuse to allow myself to 'go to pot' and cause my children to take care of me in my old age.  I am an adult and can control what I put in my body to keep it healthy.

God is good, and all the time God is good.  He helps me through difficult times, and painful times.  He protects me during stressful times.  I don't share EVERYthing on here, which is a good thing, trust me.  And I've learned that one can not judge another by things said... unless you walked a mile in their shoes.  I've learned over the years of God's faithfulness to me.... and even more so the past few years when life has really been hard and difficult.  I can tell you this... if I didn't have God in my life.... I don't know where my life would be right now.  I don't even know if I would be here.  Yeah, sometimes life is that hard to deal with.  But God is always there for me, and He's there for you too.  When things get tough, when you think that you can't take anymore, you can't live through anymore... He will take hold of your hand and tell you that He will always be right there and will walk you through whatever that challenge is.  I tell you the truth... He is all you need.

Blessings!

Coming alive... in the river...

 Listening to the 6AM service of Free Chapel this morning with Pastor Jentezen Franklin.  As I sat here thinking and asking God for a title to maybe build on, the worship team is singing and the line 'coming alive in the river' came up.  So that's my title.  "I come alive in the river" in the name of Jesus.  Today is baptism Sunday at Free Chapel, the first one since the quarantine.  I can just imagine the hundreds that will be baptized at all the churches.  How Christians have missed that vital part of being raised in Christ!  Being baptized publicly shows the world that the old you has been put off, and the new you is being raised with Christ.  We follow His lead through being baptized.  It's a great experience of a Christian - even an old one.  I was baptized at age 14, and I don't believe they did the classes they do now to make sure you understand what it means.  It is a part of the joy of following Jesus in baptism.   A lot of time has passed since I was baptized.  I will say I probably didn't totally understand it all because I don't remember much of my childhood, but I do vaguely remember being baptized.

Acts 8 tells the story that Philip was sharing Jesus and it was a city-wide revival.  Right in the middle of that, an angel was sent to Philip and told him to go to the desert.  Philip left the city and went to the desert and an Ethiopian treasurer of the queen came through the desert, and he was reading the book of Isaiah.  He's reading in Isaiah 53 where it says:   'he was led like a lamb to the slaughter and as a lamb is silent before the shearers he did not open his mouth...', and when Philip came along side him and asked what he was reading, the eunuch told him and said he didn't understand it.  Philip explained it was fortelling about Jesus and what it meant.  They came to a body of water in the desert and the eunuch requested to be baptized, because he believed. (very short version - pick up your Bible and read Isaiah 53 and Acts 8 to get the full story!)

When Jesus left to go back to heaven, He said, "Therefore, go and make disciples of all the nations, baptizing them in the name of the Father, the Son and the Holy Spirit.  Teach these new disciples to obey all the commands I have given you.  And be sure of this, I am with you always, even to the end of the age."  

It wasn't a request.  Jesus says for us to be baptized.  It symbolizes that we are letting go of our past, and publicly declaring we belong to Jesus. Baptism proclaims your walk with Jesus.  Only the blood of Jesus can make you new.  

Years passed and I began to do my 'own thing'.... things I am not proud of.  Years later, when we went back to church, the very first Sunday back I literally ran down to the alter to confess my sins and ask for forgiveness.  I desperately needed forgiveness.  I still need forgiveness for things and Jesus graciously forgives me as I ask Him to.  I still need His grace.   I once asked a pastor if I should be baptized again because I had backslidden and came back to Christ.  He told me that I did not need to be baptized again.  I came back to Jesus, that is what is important.

Coming back to Jesus is the most important thing I have ever done in my life.  

All three of my children chose to be baptized in their youth.  Tears of joy made their way down my face as they made this decision on their own and followed through.  Years have passed for them, and things have happened... and I pray for their return to the Lord.  I have His promise that they all will return to Him.   I also pray for my grandchildren, that they will come to know who Jesus is.  I believe all have heard of Jesus, but it grieves my heart the some were not raised in the church, except for times that were special occaions and their parents came, or I took them on Wednesday nights.  I often wonder how real Jesus is to them today.  A few I know still love and worship God; others I know have rejected Him.  That grieves me deeply, just as it grieves our Heavenly Father.  Some day, they will turn back to Him.

What is holding you from turning back to Jesus?  Is it you don't want to give up something that you enjoy?  Is it you are afraid you will have to go to church every Sunday?  Are you letting things that will fade away, kill and destroy you, to stand in the way of living a life full and complete?  I'm not saying life will be perfect - in most cases far from it.  But are you will to give it up, because Jesus gave up His life for you?

I'm so glad I made the decision to live for Jesus.  It doesn't mean I'm perfect, for I am not.  I fail lots of times.  In fact, a few weeks ago hubby and I got into a 'fight' in which he screamed at me that I wasn't a Christian because I said a certain word.  It's not a word I use, and I was angry with hubby and it just popped out.  (That's what happens when you watch/listen to shows that use vulgar words; they become the norm)  I was so angry at his accusation that I just screamed back and agreed with him.  But then I repented to Jesus and declared Him Lord of my life.  And I know I am forgiven.  Things can happen, but when you return to Jesus with a broken and repentant heart, He will forgive.

Running to Jesus is the best thing one can do.  He already knows every sin we have committed.  He knows every thought we have had.  He's waiting.  Will you turn your heart to Him today and ask Him to forgive you and help you live the life He has planned for you?  Will you seek His face and ask for His grace and mercy?  Even if you don't think you deserve any grace or mercy, Jesus is willing to extend it, but you have to ask for it.  Do it today.  Things won't change overnight, but you will feel His peace.  

It's worth it.  Come back to Jesus today.

Blessings!

It is officially.....official.

 My favorite boss and I were messaging back and forth yesterday and she let me know she does not plan to get the vaccine until it is one shot alone.  The Pfizer and the Moderna both are two shots.  The Johnson and Johnson shot is one, but I heard recently they are stopping the use of it because of issues caused by it.  The other vaccine I heard was totally pulled, so I heard, because it created blood clots.  I don't know. My shot that I have had, and will have the second of, is Moderna.  I have had no reactions, and in fact, I didn't even feel the needle is going into my arm. It's still a couple weeks before I get the second shot.

Part of me wishes I had continued to resist... but I really didn't have a reason other than "I don't want to get it".  After reading between the lines, and knowing that is what is going to happen when it comes to work, it is easier to give in and just get it (kind of like the flu shot) and be done with it.  

But it is now official.  My boss told me yesterday that in the meeting they had with HR that very few people will be allowed to come back to the office to work.  Even executives, if they want to work from home, they can continue to work from home.   My big boss is retiring in June so it doesn't matter to her; my other boss wants to continue working from home.  So I was told that I was being put 'permanently' as work from home unless there was a reason I needed to go into the office.  

So I guess I need to - after a year at home - get myself arranged permanently in my 'office'.  The company has allowed $350 per person to fix their home office up.  I don't need a new desk as my daughter and son-in-law bought me this one for my birthday last year.  So - I ordered a $300 chair from Staples as my chair is not that comfortable and when sitting in it all day, even my butt starts to hurt.  That's what a $39 chair from Amazon does for you.  It is a good chair if someone needs a desk chair.  Still fairly new with no tears.  I am still wanting to remove the bed that is in here and purchase a day bed or a futon so that I will have more room in here and the desk chair isn't always backing into the bed frame.  The room feels cluttered and can be distracting...plus I've started laying things on the bed instead of putting them away.  I need to clear it off this weekend..... the clutter is distracting.

I also want to get my workout area fixed up in the garage.  Yes, I am still working on this body to keep it strong and healthy.  I want to enjoy my latter years and not just lay around or sit all day because I don't have the energy or strength to move.  I moved my treadmill about where I want it yesterday.  I still have a big box to empty and I will get to it this weekend.  Then I will have space for my weight bench out there.  I can set the weights on the floor; don't need a stand just yet.  Then I think I'll have my small TV hung on the wall in the garage so if I want to watch a movie while using the treadmill, I can.  Hopefully within a few months I can have everything as I imagine in my mind.  Still have to allow room for the cars, and that's not a problem.  The area is raised about 4 inches so it sets it apart from the car area.

Hubby wanted us to go to breakfast this morning, but when he brought my coffee to me, I asked if we could do lunch instead.  He does love to eat out.  Me, not so much.  I've had mahi mahi in the refrigerator for two days - must cook it tonight for dinner.  A nice salad sounds much better than eggs.  I can cook eggs here at home.  If I buy salad stuff.... I end up throwing it away because we don't get around to using it.  So I save 'salads' for when we go out.  I had a really good Greek salad at Panera the other day.  With chicken.  And it was good.  I like taking my time in here, where I am alone and it's quiet.  When I come out, it signals the day is starting and I have things to do.  Yes, it means I have to figure out breakfast for "us" but that's ok... I still don't have to put makeup on. :-)

I love the quiet of the morning, when all I hear are the birds outside waking up.  I could sit in here most of the day, I think.  I enjoy being alone as well as with people.  I used to say that God is the only one who can stand me first thing in the morning.   I'm not a morning person.  But wait until I wake up!  I'm a lot of fun.  Usually.  Ok, sometimes.

I love how God wakes me up each morning without an alarm, letting me know He is waiting for me to come visit with Him for awhile.  Even on weekends I will wake up around 4-ish... and I'll ask if I can sleep another hour... and then around 5-ish I will wake up and get up.  I tell myself it's Saturday so I should be able to sleep at least an extra hour.  At least I slept last night - I was really tired after not sleeping much the night before. I love my time alone with God.  That would be a plus if I ever get to retire.... I could spend as much time with God as I want and not have to watch a clock.  But of course, then there is hubby who demands my attention, as does Sheeba.  When she sees my door open, she comes (literally) running to get her rubdown from me.  I have to make sure I get up, for if I'm sitting down, I end up with 119 pounds of pure dog on my lap.

The letter hubby wrote to our former pastor was received..... it was interesting in that the pastor text'd hubby and asked if that included me.  I will assume it is because the letter was written not as 'we' but as 'I' and hubby was the only one who signed it.  Hubby responded yes, it was from both of us, but he still wants to meet with the pastor.  I think they are setting something up for next week.  I love this pastor, but it's too far to drive now (without hubby complaining) and we can't get involved in things in the community.  We are praying about this one church that we've attended before..... it's large, but the reason we are considering it is that it has small groups within our community and it will give us an opportunity to meet people here and work within our own community.  We plan to watch a couple online services of other churches as well in this area, to just see how they preach.  A pastor friend of ours lives out here and he has gone to several; and he voiced his opinion on several.  I'm not sure if they have found a church yet or not.  In time we will find out where we are to be.   He and his wife went to one Bible study group from a church....they met at a place where liquor was served... could be a pizza place or a lounge... I don't remember where... but he said what bothered them... many of the people including the pastor, ordered drinks (as in liquor) while they led the study.  That is definitely a turn-off for me, as it was for them.

I reckon I need to get off and get this body moving this morning.  I think eggs, sausage, and pancakes are on the agenda for this morning.   I also want to get out and look for something to put my sewing things in when I clean out that box..... I'll have to mention it AFTER lunch.... maybe hubby will let me go alone.  I will need to break free of prison.

Here comes Sheeba!

Blessings!

What I found out yesterday.....

 I went to lunch yesterday with the executive assistant of our company president and the executive assistant of our chief financial officer.  Now my 'big' boss usually does not share much information with me.  My other boss, whom I report to, will often share what is going on, even when it is confidential, and letting me know it is not to be shared.  I like being "in the know".

As we ate lunch yesterday our discussion turned to the upcoming soon return to the office.  It has been said it will be July.  From what one of the EA's shared yesterday, due to the pandemic and financial loss of having to pay for space in an office building and no one being there all year (leases do create problems in times like this), they have released a lot of space.  The thought of the entire division moving into the north tower (or was it the south tower?) is no longer a reality.  They let the space go - even before we had moved into it.  Based on my understanding of all the conversations yesterday, we will not be going back to the office at all.

At the most, if there is a meeting that needs to be face to face, one will have to 'reserve' an office or space and should only come into the office one or two days a week.  If one of the executives (and I heard there were three or four who are insisting on it) wants to work in the office, they must be there a minimum of 4 days a week to have an office as 'theirs'.  Our CFO is one of those executives as I guess she has a house with windows all around it and she refuses to set up a place at home to work and refuses to get curtains to block the light coming in and glaring on her computer during meetings.  She definitely hates working from home....still!  Not sure what her EA will do, but is hoping she can stay at home or limit to one or two days a week.

The president's EA has been told that 'working remote has worked for them so no need to change that'.  As for me, my boss that I report to does NOT want to go into the office at all, but agreed to a couple days a week if she had to.  But, in talking with her yestrday after my lunch meeting, she said that she can go into the Mesa office and not have to drive downtown.   As for me, I can continue to work remote, coming in only when needed, which would be a rarity.  I haven't heard from the 'big boss' for me - and it wouldn't matter - she is retiring June 11th and doesn't care if we go back or not.  I really think she chose to retire because she doesn't WANT to go back to the office.....she is terrified of getting COVID even though she was one of the first to be vaccinated.  I would hate to live in that much fear.

So, for now, it sounds like I will continue to work from home indefinitely.  And, as long as I can work remote, why retire?  I can sit at home at my computer workday after workday and make the most money I ever have (I just got a 3.24% raise) and save on gas, car wear and maintenance.  Also save a lot on clothes.... I live in jeans and t-shirts anymore.  I can't remember when I have bought clothes for myself.  Hubby has gotten new shorts and shirts, but he does play the social butterfly while I'm working.... just saying... LOL

I will have another person to support when they are hired to replace the one who is leaving.... I suppose my going into the office will be determined by them as well, although I don't report to them.  My big boss had said I had to be in the office 4 days a week... then she decided to retire.  I reckon we will see.  I guess I read pretty much correctly between the lines of emails we have been receiving from the chief medical officer of the entire company..... which is why I gave in to peer pressure and got the vaccine (I get my second dose on 4/23).   She had stated in an email they will be looking at who has received the vaccine as to who will be allowed back in the office.  Veiled threat?  No vaccine, no office?  How will that affect some people and their jobs?  I decided not to deal with it and just get it.  My one boss still has not received the vaccine .....  there is to be an award presented to a couple of people who report to this boss.... the award presented by the president of the division, the chief medical officer of the division, and the big chief medical officer of the company, as well as both of my bosses.  It is in person.  The email came out yesterday.... "if you haven't had the vaccine, you must call in (via microsoft teams) and virtually attend.  If you have received the vaccine, you can attend in person."  Wow.  That is very clear.  My big boss received her vaccine at the very beginning.  The other has not... she sent me the email and commented..."well, I haven't been vaccinated so guess I will attend virtually.".  It is what it is.

I did have a nice lunch yesterday with my co-workers and friends.  We were there nearly 3 hours... I finally told them that I had to get back to work.  We all left, but I left them talking outside.  I guess they weren't in a hurry to get back.  I wasn't either, but I knew I needed to.... and ended up working an extra 1/2 hour to do some things I needed to finish.  And that's ok.  It's not something I do often and most days don't even take a lunch hour, instead eating at my desk.

Wow - this has been a lot of rambling today, don't you think.  I'm still so sleepy this morning, even now.  I didn't sleep well at all last night; had trouble even getting to sleep.  I think the culprit is that I had a glass and a half of ice tea last night with dinner.  I do not usually drink caffeine in the evenings... I mean, I will occasionally have a cup of coffee, but it sure didn't affect me like the tea did last night.  In the past, tea hasn't affected me either.  But I think it did last night because it has been a long while since I have had more than one or two cups of coffee in the morning and that's it.  The rest of the time I usually drink water.  But my mind would not shut off last night and the last time I looked at the clock was 10:32... and we went to bed around 8:30!   I bet I sleep tonight!  But will need another cup of coffee to get me through this morning as my head is hurting even after one cup of coffee.  I want to go back to sleep!  But, I hear Sheeba moving around and I need to get dressed to take her out... hubby is already gone to 'do his thing' this morning.

Do you think that God has brought this continuing remote working from home for me?  I certainly have had mixed feelings of going back to the office.  Part of me wants it - I need to have the freedom of being me again.  I have become such an introvert!  Part of me dreads the driving in the traffic and going to an office that I don't know anything about (the downtown office instead of the Mesa office).  It's still 20 miles away.... but is much better than the 56 miles one way to Mesa.   Maybe I will quit whining about retiring (probalby not) for now..... it's nice that when 4PM comes around I can shut the computer off and I'm home from work.  

God always takes care of His own.  I guess He is taking care of me.  I can retire... when He is ready for me to be released.  I don't know when that will be, but He does.  It may be decided that my job will be eliminated since my work load has decreased drastically.  I sit many days with nothing to do but make one or two meetings.  But, if they do away with my position, I will get a severance package and they are usually pretty generous.   I would definitely know that God is in it then.  But until then - back to work!

Have a blessed day!

A smile of joy....

 Just before opening up my computer this morning I checked for messages on my phone.  I do that most mornings as sometimes I'll get a prayer request after going to bed, and I can include them in my prayers during my quiet time.  This morning, what I found, made me smile with joy.  And, although some of you may think it coincidence, I believe God was in it.

I may have mentioned before that a friend of my son's was selling chances on some items that he made to help pay on medical copays for his wife.  People had ordered items to be made from him, and never picked them up.  It looked like maybe a total of 7 people took the 'chance'.  I bought more than I normally would because I felt that God was wanting me to help this man out.  I wanted to win something, don't get me wrong, but it didn't matter.  God laid it on my heart to help this person, and I had the money in the bank.  Without even thinking about what I was giving him, I sent him a text on what to do with the money.  Days later he took a video of the drawings for the items.

I won the drawings for a large family picture frame (my daughter took it to hang grandchildren photos on - she has 3 now), a large wooden cross (that I kept and put on my front court area), and a large wooden flag with a blue line on it.  This is what I'm talking about today.  The large wooden flag with the blue line.  I love the flag, but I have no place to hang it.  I offered it to my son as it was his friend who had made it.  He didn't have a place for it either.  

How is God in this? Trust me, it isn't coincidence.  God knew a certain man should receive this flag.  God's hand is all over this.  Someone ordered this flag to be made - then did not pick it up.  The person who made the flag needed to get rid of it for financial reasons and couldn't wait any longer.  It got put in with other items for chances.  He posted it and my son saw it, and to help his friend out, re-posted it.  I saw my son's post and felt led to put chances on it.  I didn't really expect to win it - where would I put it.  I had no idea what to do with it if I won.  But I did win it.  Now what?

I checked with my son; he didn't want it.  I thought about calling a dear friend and offering it to her.  Before I followed through on that thought, my son contacted me.  In talking to a friend that night, he remembered the flag.  This friend's father is a retired police officer.  The friend wanted it for his dad.  I could not be more pleased to give to this friend, whom I love as a son.  (Yes, although I've only met him twice, he has been a good friend to my son so I consider him a son as well, and yes, he gets occasionally included in my prayers.)  

When I checked for messages on my phone this morning, I found a note and a photo from my son, and this photo brought a warmth to my heart, tears to my eyes (no kidding), and a smile of joy.  The photo is of this father holding the flag.  He has the biggest smile on his face.  He wanted me to know his gratitude for the flag.  Great photo, for sure.

Can you not see God's hand in all this?  It is not by coincidence that my son's friend's father is a retired police officer, and what we were able to pass on to him is a wooden flag with a blue line in the middle of it, which is used for mourning for a fallen officer.  I am so grateful to God for bringing this full circle and it was given to someone who would find value in it.  For that, I thank God for His faithfulness, His goodness, for giving pleasure not only to me for 'winning' the flag, but to my son for remembering to share with his friend, and also to my son's friend who thought of his dad.  The joy this father has, that his son thought of him with such a special gift.  I tell you, it is all God.

It is in times like this that we find pleasure in what God does.  When we look at the 'big picture' of where it started, and where it ended, only God could have orchestrated it all.  How can one not believe in God who loves us so much?  He brings pleasure to us in the smallest things.  Sometimes we may have to look for the joy in circumstances, but it is there.  Even in hardships, the joy is there.  We just have to look for it.

Take a moment and sit back in your chair, and think of the things you have labeled 'coincidence' - if you labeled them at all.  Think of when something happened that perhaps was 'bad', but something 'good' came of it.  Or perhaps it was just something good that happened.  You probably did not give God credit at that time, but perhaps now that you think of it, you can see the good that came from it.

And God is a good, good, Father.

I may grumble a lot about my job, wanting to quit work.  But God is using this job to provide for us financially in such a way that I was able to save some money and have it in the bank, so that I could help this friend of my son's.   A year ago I would not have been able to participate in any of the chances. Perhaps I am still working.....for such a time as this.

And for that I'm grateful.

Thanks for the photo, son.  It brought joy to my heart this morning. 

Bring joy to others... just as God has brought joy to you.

Blessings!