Monday, August 7, 2017

Catching up.....

Although I have written a couple times since the last time, I have left them in draft form. Sometimes it is better that way. I try to be careful what I write some times.... most time when I write in my journal at home - if I even do that - I can write what I'm really thinking or feeling.... but even then, I have started to review and dispose of those pages that say what I don't want others to read. Not that it is bad that I think those things or even that I wrote them down, but it is an avenue for me to get out my hurt and anger at times.

Yeah, I do get hurt - a lot lately, it seems. Some people seem to take pleasure in texting or writing things that are hurtful. I don't understand where they are coming from, so I choose to ignore and not respond to them. And I get angry - but that doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And I try not to take it out on others. Yet, I know I do at times.

I got "the text" from my old boss on Friday that the position she wanted me to apply for had been posted. So I went online and applied. I was really having mixed emotions about it. I mean, I really do have a good job right now. As the ONLY executive admin in this building, I am in charge of a lot of things, I have a lot of responsibility, and I am well liked. However, I have a new boss who doesn't see the importance of relationships. In fact, I was told once that she is used to working remote from home, and was only in the office at a prior job one or two days a week. Which that would explain why she stays in her office behind a closed door on the phone and computer all the time. Nearly every meeting is a Skype meeting - and there is no human personal interaction. Kind of sad, really.

Today I was put on a Skype call about a report I send out daily. I have sent this report out for the past 5 years - Monday through Friday. To make it a bit more interesting, I have taken to writing stories pulled from the internet - and more recently, excerpts from a leadership book. Actually, we have gone through 5 leadership books now and I have always gotten positive comments about what I sent out. Well, I'm on this call and I'm being questioned on the report I send out. Now mind you, it takes maybe 5 minutes to pull the report. Seriously. I go in to "centelligence" and pull the reports, and then send out.

I've had to give a list of names I send the report to. Big deal. My boss has never asked me about the report. Never asked who I sent it to. Never questioned me about why I send it out. She has no clue. I got an email from her on Friday to send out the report with the comment that the medical management team was looking at it. Yesterday (Sunday) she sent me an email and said that I was not to send any "inspirational message" with the report.

I was ready to finish the current book - down to the last chapter which I had fixed to finish on Thursday because I go on vacation on Friday. I knew there were people who do read the books so after I sent out the report with just the statement I was told to send with it, I added all the days for the book to finish it up - and sent it out on a separate email - and told them I wasn't able to send any more books. I got several emails back - even from a VP - what does that mean?! So I told them - I was told no more "inspirational messages".

On the Skype call today, after discussing how I pull the report and why I pull the reports and who I send to, it was commented "I don't know why we are having this meeting - there isn't anything wrong with how it is being done". Well duh. They told me to continue as I had been, sending out the report. Then the corporate guy says - what is this stuff on the body of the email.... and I explained that 'in the past' I was taking people through different leadership books. He told me he would like to be included in my emails. I told him I was told to no longer send out inspirational messages. So he told me that if I did start it up again, please to include him. LOL ya gotta just shake your head!!

So now I'm waiting to get a call for an interview for this new position. I would love to work with my "old" boss and friend again - even though I will be driving another ten miles or so on the freeway. It would be worth it. I gave myself a $4 raise as a "I need to be offered no less than...". I'm on vacation starting Friday - so I'm hoping that when I come back I will be able to give a two week notice. I had already figured September 11 would be a good day to start a new job.

Which will put everyone here in a tizzy - we usually have a huge breakfast and I won't be here to set it up. But it all depends on when I interview, and when the job gets offered. I may have to bump it to the 18th. One thing for sure - I want to be sure I use up my vacation days - don't know if I will get anymore this year.

And now I have rambled on for a little while - so need to close this off...


Monday, July 17, 2017

It's Monday,....... truly!

I get to work this morning and couldn't get my laptop to come up. My screens would come on. I unplugged my laptop and went to two different offices and still could not get my laptop to turn on. FINALLY, I did something right and it came up. I usually leave my computer "on" when I go home, so that I save time to clock in when I come in. Unfortunately, I "lost" about 20 minutes this morning trying just to get the computer to come up. I finally got clocked in, pulled the two reports I need to send out. And sent them out. Or thought I did. Eventually I got an email from one of the supervisors stating, "uh.... I think you forgot the attachment..." yep, that is exactly what I did - or rather, didn't do. I forgot the attachment. No problem. I resent.

Yesterday was my precious Aunt Sue's 95th birthday and we went to a lunch in her honor. What a sweetheart. It was so good to be with those who love her like I do. We had a great time, and all of us kept sitting around waiting for our bill to come .... and it never did. After inquiring, we found out that Aunt Sue paid for everyone's lunch. I had to laugh, and I told Aunt Sue that I must have inherited that trait from her. Although we aren't really related, just adopted. I have no problem with buying everyone's dinner when I invite them out - just because that is what I want. AND I plan to do it this year for my children and their families - so if they read this, be prepared. I think I will make it in to TWO parties.... or maybe even three..... just cause I can spend more time with each family and not be caught up with one or another.

Oh yeah, my big brother's DIL finally had the baby - after being in labor about 36 hours, the doctors decided to do a C-section. Seriously! But a beautiful baby girl was produced - and I had to remind my big brother that although she was beautiful, she doesn't come close to my great-granddaughter's beauty. I can tell already we are going to have some challenges. LOL

Need to get to work - things are already crazy for Monday morning.


Tuesday, July 11, 2017

Waiting, waiting...waiting....

Been waiting over 24 hours for my big brother to call me. Or text me. Seems his DIL went into labor yesterday morning - and still has not delivered. I just sent him another text to ask ... he's already calling her "Stubborn Evelyn" because she hasn't arrived yet. I feel for his DIL if she is still in labor! As of this morning, her water had broke, but no baby as of about 6AM. It is now nearly 1PM so I am hoping when he responds it will be with good news.

Work has been going so-so. LOL I had some people going this morning. I didn't mean to. I decided my cluttered desk needed to be cleaned off. Since we had lost the one contract, I didn't need to hold on to all those papers anymore.... decided to let them go. So I cleaned out my file drawer and lots of folders on my desk. It does look a lot better. I'd love to do the cleaning at home - and when I'm alone and can focus, I just might. Unless I get real energetic and just do it! I have always been a paper hoarder - afterall, if you destroy that paper, it's gone. I need to go through things and just shred them. In fact, I have a bag full of papers to be shredded. I got started on it a couple weeks ago and filled two trash bags and was only about 1/3 of the way through the bag! I need to keep at it for it would certainly clean up some areas. I did take some papers out of the file cabinet a couple weeks ago when I was looking for something.... and then I put them back about a week ago when we were expecting someone over and wanted the house clean.

It's hard to plan for a deep cleaning when I'm still working. But I suppose I may as well. In about 5 years I want to sell the house - I think - and I don't want to take any of these things with me. I want to get rid of papers and a lot of other things.

I need to start telling my kids if there is anything they want, they need to let me know. If I'm not using it, they can take it with them. If I am, then I'll make sure it's written down that they get it. I know my daughter has already told me she wants my grandmother clock, but she will have to wait until I die for that one. The boys haven't mentioned anything. They probably don't care.

Well, guess I had better get back to work - my lunch 'break' is about over. I've been doing pretty good about clocking in and out. Thursday I will be gone an hour or so - I'm taking two of my admin friends out to lunch for their birthdays. We finally scheduled a day this morning. It will be fun to hang out with them for a little while.

Hope you are having a good day.... in the meantime, I'm still waiting on a response from my big brother.... nothing yet.


Thursday, July 6, 2017

Making Changes....sometimes is easy....sometimes it's not....

I'm sitting here at work eating veggie pretzels after lunch and listening to a coworker talk about her husband. It IS kind of funny.... but I can understand her frustration. Truly I can! Her husband grilled hamburgers - and put the cooked hamburgers back in the wrapper from the butcher. And didn't secure the wrapping. So when she opened the refrigerator, not only were the semi-wrapped burgers staring her in the face, the odor of cooked burgers was throughout the refrigerator. Gotta just sit here and shake my head.

I'm struggling today. I don't really want to be here today. I'm somewhat bored, and my new boss just doesn't talk much to me. Others have noticed it too. That my new boss doesn't talk to me, that is. In fact, one was commenting this morning how well my former boss and I worked together - she would let me know when she got here, always said good morning, and if she had to run off anywhere, was sure to let me know. Also, she would pass on things to me to work on. We would sit and chat to catch up on life and work. We had built a great relationship over the years.

I'm trying to build a relationship with this one, but she is "closed", if you can understand what that means. Thus far, it hasn't been fun working with her. Or for her. She ignores me for the most part. She will chat with her buddy behind me (I've discovered this supervisor will also run to her with everything and tattles on people!!) so now I have to watch what I say out loud, and to whom. I had shared something a few weeks ago with another employee nearby about another employee - no, not gossip, just sharing what had transpired on something. The supervisor ran and told the person I was talking about that I was talking about her. Seriously? It wasn't anything I couldn't have said to her face - and did - but the point I am making is that this supervisor is a tattletale and sits right behind me so I have to watch myself now.

Which also takes the fun away. I think I will need to start looking for another job. I have been hoping that my former boss can find a place for me there, but nothing has come up yet. If I find something else first, I won't leave to work with her, but I'm hoping - and praying - that something will come up before Christmas. Or that things change here. Respect goes a long way.

Need to get back to work - lunch time goes by quickly. Yeah, my new boss is making me clock in and out for lunch now. Before I didn't unless I actually left for lunch with someone. Now I have to even if I work through lunch. So - I sit here and eat my lunch and type a letter or make some notes on here, read a little or whatever, and then clock back in. I wish they would just make me salaried and then it wouldn't be an issue. I got chewed out last payroll because I had overtime. Oh well. Get over it. I will always have overtime or I can start going home around 2 or 2:30 everyday. I have to come in early to get reports sent out - although my new boss has told me she doesn't know why I am the one sending out the reports. So - it wouldn't surprise me if she gave that 'job' to someone else.

Fine. If she wants me to come in later and work just 8 hours, I can do that. Grumble. Why can't life be simple. 7 more years, is what I keep telling myself. I don't think I can handle 7 more years here under this boss.

Trusting God to show me favor.


Friday, June 30, 2017

The end of another month....

Where has all the time gone this year? Someone mentioned this morning that here it is June 30th.... "and you know what that means!" I chose not to comment - but she continued - "Christmas will be here before we know it!" I have no idea what I'm going to do for everyone this year for Christmas. I've already made them all quilts. I'm truly at a loss - not that my children care so much - but what to get the grandchildren. Some I don't even know much about anymore.

We are heading into a 4 day weekend and I'm so happy about it. This has been a tough few weeks here at work and I'm so tired. The past two nights I've even been in bed before 8:30PM! And still have trouble waking up at 4AM. But tomorrow - I can sleep in later, which will be very nice.

Received word that my oldest nephew has had a heart attack. He's in the hospital and they plan to do open heart quadruple bypass surgery on Monday morning. I have spent time praying for him and for the surgeons who will be doing his surgery. He also has a new wife; still in his first year of marriage, I believe. One brother reminded me that our oldest brother had his heart attack at this age. I didn't remember that. I wish our family dynamics were not so bad. My brother gave me permission to share the information with the rest of the family, so I made the phone calls to tell them. My older sister appreciated the notification, as did my younger brother. However, my younger sister already knew about it as the nephew's sister had called her and let her know. And the younger sister never bothered to call any of the rest of the family to tell them. Isn't that interesting.

This morning I was praying that God would give me an affirmation of some sort. I don't remember how I worded it, but I just needed something to give me value. I love how God answers. This morning I have had two people email me how much they value what I do, the little extra things I do and say, the encouragement I give others. I desperately needed that. I need to know I make a difference sometimes cause sometimes I don't feel anyone cares.

I miss my children. It's hard to explain. I know they are older and have their own families, but I miss them. I miss getting to hear how they are doing, what's going on in their families, what they think and what their dreams are. I miss being connected.

No, son, I am not trying to do the guilt trip. One day you will understand what I'm feeling. I often think about my mother, and the fact that I moved away when my children were young. Although they did go back in the summertime, and later on I finally started going back once a year, I never appreciated the fact that she would want to spend time with me.... until the last couple years when I stayed with her and spent that extra time with her. I'm glad I did. I wasn't close to my mother until the last two - three years of her life. We talked, and we visited, but I never felt loved, yet, I knew she loved me.

Perhaps that is why it is so important to me that each of my children know how much that I do love them. I can't do the things I want to do but it isn't because my heart doesn't want to. And, yes, I do have favorites. Each one of my children are my favorite. Each one of my grandchildren are my favorite. There is a trait in each one that I desperately love and admire in each one. And for that trait, I love them with passion and they are my favorite.

Some day, each one will understand what that means.


Monday, June 26, 2017

The atmosphere is so different now....

Since my 'old' boss left a few weeks ago, and my 'new' boss has taken over, the atmosphere around here has really changed. There seems to be no laughter, no joy, from anyone. We don't hear positive affirmations; we are lucky to hear a few words as the 'new' boss is always in her office or at another building for a meeting. Sometimes that is just 'ok'. The more I try to connect with my new boss, the more difficult it seems to be. Can not put my finger on what the issue is. I like her ok, that's not the problem. It's to have a meaningful connection.

And without it, I am wishing I could quit work and just volunteer somewhere. But that's not possible right now. But I have made a decision, and it is a big decision for me. A life-changing decision. I have decided that I will work only 7 more years. I'm sure hubby would go into panic mode if he heard that - and I actually think I have mentioned it in front of him, but don't recall his response. I'm weary of working. I've worked every year but one full year (not counting two pregnancies where I worked until 6 months - which was the rule then) and I was pregnant that year.... since I was fifteen and 1/2 years old. I enjoy what I do, but with all the changes, I don't want to do this anymore.

We just refinanced the house so cannot sell it, but I'm thinking in about five years I can talk hubby into selling it. I'm not sure where we would go from there, but something smaller and less maintenance so that I can start planning to leave the work force. I believe it can be done, living on SS....

I can remember in my early first marriage years when we were so poor we had absolutely nothing. Those were the best times and special memories in my heart. That is when I learned to cook from "scratch" a lot of dishes. Discovered my love for cooking. Did you know that with flour and water you can make just about anything and it will get eaten? We were happy.

In the Bible, seven is the number of completeness. As I pondered about quitting work, and made the decision in seven years, I realized that it had a completeness to it. I felt relief, and even joy, that I could possibly see the light at the end of the tunnel. That in 7 years I can perhaps begin to live life without getting up at 4AM. But I also know that I cannot stay at home. I did "retire" one year which proved that I couldn't ever retire retire..... which could be another blog.... which reminds me, I started this blog when I was on that year of "retirement". So much has changed since then. Work life, family life, family dynamics, etc. Everything has changed.

Life has changed. Sometimes I wish we could go back five years before .............. well, just before. Nothing is the same. I'm not the same. and Life goes on. Musings are done... time to get back to work. I wonder if I should try counting days..........


Wednesday, June 21, 2017

catching up....

Nacho Bar at work today. I love nachos. I bought some. The office also has a bake sale going on. I bought at the bake sale too. Not that I will eat everything, but I will eat my nachos. I took over my $10 donation.... $5 for the nachos and $5 for baked goods (cookies, cupcake, etc.) so now I'm done. The money is going for school supplies for teachers and students at a couple schools the company has adopted. One school is in Tucson, the other school is in Tempe. Hopefully they will raise a lot of money. I'm really grateful I'm not involved in all that fund-raising. At least this time. They did ask me to make my key lime pie (last fundraiser I donated six key lime pies at $5/slice - or $15 per pie - made a lot of money) but I haven't. Not sure that I will this time. It was a lot of work. I actually forgot about baking last night.... I went to dinner with a girlfriend and hubby has his men's group over.

I keep checking my son's blog and he isn't writing. In fact, according to his last blog, he's still waiting on his new grandchild - who is now two months old! In fairness, he did change jobs and has to go into work MUCH earlier than the used to. He doesn't have the luxury of sitting around and reading blogs in the mornings. And his evenings are apparently filled with other activity. Enough said about that! I miss reading his blogs - especially when he tells stories. I still believe if he really wanted to, he could write a novel and it would be a best seller.

My 'old' boss has moved on to her new company, and I'm still trying to 'connect' with my new boss. She's nice, but I just don't feel connected. It's going on 4 weeks now.... surely we can connect soon. Maybe it is that I don't feel I can just pop into her office and chat like I did with Sue. Speaking of, she is settling in quite well in her new position..... sent me a text on Saturday that she is working on an executive assistant position and will let me know just in case I would be interested. It will definitely be all about the $ if I can move to it. This position is in Mesa which is further than I drive now.... but I figure I can't complain - I have two boys that work in Mesa in different areas. In the meantime, I just continue to do what I've always done... but most of the time I don't have much to do. Maybe my new boss is still trying to figure out what SHE should do.

I'm dealing with a case of 'identity theft' and 'fraud'. A company in California charged my debit card with $280. I protested and the bank reversed the charge. That was in April. This past weekend, my bank turned around and took it back out of my account. When I called the bank, they said the company sent them proof with my name and address on the invoice that I purchased it, so they paid it. I went in to the bank on my way home from work and explained I DID NOT make that purchase, nor did I receive it. Supposedly there is a fed ex delivery involved with it. I am waiting for the invoice copy and fed ex number to be sent to me from the bank. I have also looked up and emailed the California company. It appears to be a beauty supply type company - with hairdryers and curling irons priced over $100 each! Someone bought them some nice equipment with my money. I emailed the company but have not heard back from them. I will give them until I get the information from my bank. If I do not hear and resolve this by then, I will call the police and file a fraud case against the company and against the person who was on the receiving end. I had never even heard of this company - T3 I do hope we can resolve this and I get my money back without my having to report them to the BBB and file fraud charges. I feel the company should have had an alert in place that if the billing address does not agree with the shipping address and they are not a regular customer, there needs to be a flag to request additional proof of identify. Having my debit card number, my address and name, should not be sufficient without a DL number or something else. I was so angry at my bank. I told them that I trusted them to take care of my money, and they have proven I can not trust them to do so. So I'm thinking of taking what little bit I have and just saving it at home. Leave just enough in the bank to pay bills. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but something will be started by this time next week. It has upset me but my hands are currently tied until I get information as to where the delivery was. And I will file fraud charges. Hopefully I can get my $280 back. That's a lot of money for me to lose. Thank God I got paid on Friday before they took it out - but it has created problems.

Oh well. I need to clock back in from lunch - just want to catch my blog up. The song "Even If" by Mercy Me has been running through my mind for a couple weeks now. I think I posted the words in a previous blog. Right now, that's what is holding me intact.