Thursday, January 29, 2015

What is it that makes the mind go blank....

Yep - I wrote part of something this morning... and decided to 'draft' it. Then I noticed a couple other 'drafts' in the folder. Things I started to share, and then decided not to. Got interrupted in my thought process, etc. I don't know. Just didn't finish.

So much 'stuff' going on around me. Things are happening here at work - a couple people will be let go as of tomorrow, I think it is. Corporate is taking over part of a department and it is in St. Louis - therefore, we don't need those people here. There is nothing for them to do. I feel bad for them, but they will get a nice severance package. I know there is a meeting with the staff this afternoon - I can only assume they will be told. That was where I was hired in to work.

Yeah. If I was still in that position, I probably would have been one of those let go with a severance package. God has been good to me in that he opened up this position and moved me into it. I love my boss, I enjoy my job. God took care of me. I'm grateful to Him.

God always provides for us when we need it. Sometimes we don't understand His delay, but it is in those times He works in us. We may end up doing some things we don't really enjoy, but through it He is growing us. But only if we let Him. He only wants our good.

Sometimes we try to jump ahead of God because we think we know best. Then we fall flat on our faces and are humbled by our rash decisions, our quick tempers, our choices. Makes me think of certain situations, but this morning I especially think of one of our employees who in a fit of emotional anger at a co-worker gave her two-week notice... and left. If she had waited 3 weeks she would have gotten a nice severance package as she is one who would probably have been let go. Instead, she left with nothing. She will really be angry when she gets wind of a severance package that is no longer hers to have.

Someone I know is looking for a job and is willing to take anything - which is a good thing. I was quickly reaching that point when I was looking for a job. I'm praying for this person as she has an interview this morning. I am praying that God will not only give her this job, that He will cause other things to fall into place. It's hard starting over in a new job - but when God is in it - everything is perfect.

But other than these and other things that are on my mind this morning, my mind is blank. I thought I'd start off with a nice scripture and elaborate on it. But, it didn't happen. When my boss came in I was able to take some time with her and discuss what is going on. She was able to talk with me about some of her own issues and things going on that she just needed someone to listen. And I can listen and keep silent, she knows that I won't go tell anyone things she told me. What is said between us - stays between us. Always has, always will. That's why we are such good friends. We trust each other.

And now I need to get to work - still working on binders for our big meeting next week. I have most of them done, but got more documents emailed to me late yesterday afternoon so need to print those and get them inserted. It will be wonderful to have these binders completed way before the meeting. Calming.

Hope that you have a great day - maybe tomorrow I can come up with something entertaining to share. :-)


Monday, January 26, 2015

The fast is past.... and other rambling thoughts....

and things have quickly started going back to "normal" - whatever that means. Yesterday was the chili cookoff at church - so we had chili for lunch. Dinner was going to be chili again (leftovers) but hubby offered to spring for a pizza - so I let him. After not eating bread for 3 weeks, it sure tasted good. I love the crust on the pizza - just enough flavor....mmmmm But I don't want to blow off eating good, either.

I am glad I did the fast. It was a challenge at times not to give in and have meat, have bread, have chocolate, and have desserts. You have no idea how many meals we have here at the office that I got to either eat a salad - or I bypassed altogether. Cookies, pasta, sandwiches. and I guarantee you, they were probably all good. But I was ok with not having them. In fact, I probably could continue on with the fast - with some modifications (occasional chocolate and desserts) to where I could eat it if I wanted it. But, my life is not my own and I can't always do what I want.

A friend is going on a 5 day eat clean challenge starting today and asked me to join her. I originally said yes, but I don't think I will. For one, it is hard to do it on my own and it is difficult enough to fix meals for just me when I'm doing it alone. And that's ok. I can still eat right and just eat less of what I shouldn't. I was surprised I lost 5 pounds on the fast. Shows how much junk I was eating, I guess.

But of course with being off the fast - where I gave up chocolate - now I can eat that leftover chocolate from Christmas that I couldn't eat before. :-)

Today is Monday and I'm back at work. Left a little earlier this morning as I needed to stop and get gas. I still was at work by about 6:20AM. I like coming in a little earlier than everyone else. It gives me time to just be quiet if I want to. Time to catch up on some work. Time to write here, if I choose. Our weekend was quiet and lazy. I definitely need to get moving more. I am needing to find a friend who would be willing to walk with me when I get home from work. Hubby doesn't like to walk and I feel guilty for not taking the dog - but when I do, he has to walk behind me as the dog and I take up the sidewalk. Catch 22 situation I guess. I just need to do it.

I need motivation.

and right now I need to be motivated to get to work. It's about time to "start" work and my boss will be walking in at most any time now. Planning on this week to be a good week - have no meetings and thus far, only need to work on 20 binders for a big meeting next week.

Have a great day - have chocolate!


Friday, January 23, 2015

Time is passing by.....

i received a phone call this morning from my husband. That in of itself is not newsworthy. But he called to tell me some news. He called to let me know he had placed a call to our eye doctor this morning for an appointment - only to find out from the office he had died on December 13. We both are broken-hearted over this news. Besides the fact that neither of us knew of it before. We don't take the newspaper now - and I rarely checked the obits when we did take it. Dr. Gary told me in May when I was there that he had been diagnosed with throat cancer. He had had the surgery, the chemo, and thought he was doing much better. I guess he went for a check up in the fall and found it had spread throughout his body. He was only 62. I can hardly keep the tears from falling as I think of the 30 years we have gone to this man. My fondest memory of him is that he wore the best smelling cologne and I loved smelling it when I went for my yearly eye appointment. Dr. Gary was funny, smart, and very friendly. We had come to know him well over the 30 years we had gone to him. 30 years. It seems so long, and yet, it is already gone. We will miss him. I don't want to go back to that office, although there is someone there quite capable of seeing us. They don't take my vision insurance - but I went to Dr. Gary anyway and paid for it - so I can easily change. I'm just really sad - for his family - and for us.

It also makes me think again of my own life span. I will be 66 this year and the years ahead of me are fewer than those behind me. Will I have made a difference with others as Dr. Gary made with me? Have I lived my life with purpose - and have I made a difference.

Death does make one stop and think of these things.

Of one thing I have hope of - is that when my time comes, that I have made things right with everyone. That I don't die knowing I have not forgiven someone, or that I have not been forgiven. That I have made amends. Life is too short to hold grudges. Thinking of death makes one re-evaluate the importance of things. Some days I have actually prayed to die because I know where I am going - but also because the pain of what others do - or don't do - is too great. Eggshells break so easily and I'm tired of walking on them.

I think of my sweet Aunt Mae who will be 102 in March. She has lived life to the fullest. She has made a difference and is ready to go 'home'. I will miss her terribly, but at her age of 102, death is expected to happen. It's hard to think of someone younger than I am to be gone already.

Dr. Gary - thank you for being our eye doctor, for taking care of us for these past 30 years. Thank you for being a friend, and not just a doctor. I will miss you.

Shalom, my friend.

Make a difference with someone today. I plan to.


Thursday, January 22, 2015

Something weighing on my heart......

I feel weighted down this morning as I have something heavy on my mind and heart. I'm so weary of some things going on and since I am not involved, it makes it more difficult. I've reached the point that I may just say something (more) - but still praying about what and how. It has just crushed me beyond measure, for sure.

Yesterday was a semi-productive day at work and all went well, but I found when I got home last night that I all of a sudden just felt so weary. Yeah, that was the word I came up with. Not 'tired' so much but weary. I was chatting with my little sister and at 7PM I was already in my jammies, sitting on the couch. I just felt so weary.

I wonder what is going on. Other than what is bothering me in the first paragraph, I don't specifically know of anything. Finances are always a problem - because I've made it a problem. But, am working on that issue and things will be ok.

I was praying for my children this morning and God has impressed upon me specific things I need to pray about. Most of all, praying that their eyes will be opened and they will see Him as Lord, and not the world. When we put things and issues and people before God, they have become our idols. God says that there shall NOT be any thing (or any one) before Him. We are to love the Lord our God with all of our heart, all of our soul, all of our mind, and all of our strength. There is no other option. God is to be first in our lives - not second. And definitely not last.

Some times it doesn't matter who is right or wrong in issues. It is how you respond; or not respond. If you let the issue remain, you have put that issue before God - and trust me, God will remove your blessings if you do not keep Him first. Think about that....... when I have difficulties and I don't know why... I always review my life to see if I am in line with Him, or with the world. I don't have to be right. But I do have to reconcile and agree to disagree if need be. I need to make amends no matter what it costs me. I have no pride when it comes to making amends. I have no rights. If I am faithful with God, then I need to make myself right with others. God first. Others second. Myself last.

Where do you stand in your world? Do you need to make a phone call, or write that letter, and just say "I'm sorry for everything. Please forgive me."? And then listen to what they have to say. Don't respond. Listen. and repeat, "I'm sorry for everything. Please forgive me." Just doing that will remove the heaviness and the burden from you, and your family. You taking the first step will free not only you, but those closest to you. And it will no longer separate you from God and His blessings.

My heart is sad for those who turn from God because of pride or because they think they are right or want to live their way. There is no other way than walking with God. Walking with God doesn't mean life will be wonderful. But it does mean that He will walk with you through the tough times.

For me, I want God on MY side. And to have Him on my side, I want to be on HIS side. Where do you stand with God? It's more than just going to church. It's more than prayer at the meals. It's relationship. What is your relationship with God? If it is right, then your relationship with others is right. Think about it.


Wednesday, January 21, 2015

Moving right along.....

I can't believe I haven't been able to get online - or just haven't gotten online - and added to the blog. I've thought about it, but things at work have been keeping me very busy, and I haven't even gotten on the computer at home. The virus keeps popping up and I haven't gotten it deleted totally yet. Maybe I can get on it tonight and see what I can do. But then, I'm on the computer all day so by the time I get home - no hurry to get on the computer.

Was a little late getting started for work this morning. Actually, I started to leave on time, but as I pulled out of the driveway I heard a knocking/flapping noise from the right rear of the van. I drove about a block away and it kept getting louder so I turned around and went back home. Called hubby to come out and take a look at it - he drove it a few blocks and the noise stopped. Maybe something was on the tire and after driving a little ways it fell off. I don't know - but the noise didn't return on my way to work - for which I'm grateful for then I would have been nervous driving in. But with turning around and checking it out I was running about 15 minutes late. No biggie. That's why I leave early - so that I have plenty of time to get to work. I've already gotten my reports out this morning and am just getting settled in for the day.

Today is my daughter's 46th birthday. When did she get that old? I'm not much older than that. :-) I sent her birthday wishes earlier this morning and hope that she has a great day. As we get older most people don't tend to care much about our birthdays - but I have stuck to the belief that everyone's day of birth needs to be celebrated - even if all I do is acknowledge it. I mean, I like to feel valued on my birthday. It isn't about gifts - it is just about being remembered that I count. That I am valued. And I feel that other people, deep down, feel the same way. Yes, my sons will blow off the day, my daughter says she doesn't have birthdays anymore.... but too bad. Mom will always remember their special day. so there!

I've become team captain of the American Heart Association 'Heart Walk' that is scheduled on March 21. I keep asking myself 'What were you thinking!' for putting myself in this position - but sometimes we just need to step out of our comfort zone and be the leader we were created to be. I've already got about twenty people on my team - if all will follow through as they say they will. Our CEO wants the company to raise $12,500 and I need to help come up with ideas on how to raise it. Of course my first thought is 'Bake Sale'! LOL It's always about food. Then there is the silent auction for 'white elephant' items we all have in our homes. I'll have to think about what else we can do to raise money.

We ran away last weekend to Prescott Valley for a couple days. It was good to get out of town and spend some time with friends. We haven't done that in awhile.

As I think about what I just wrote I wonder if people think like that about spending time with God. Would someone write - or say - "I ran away last weekend to spend some time with God. It was good to spend time with Him because I hadn't done it in awhile"..... I guess I don't think that way because I try to spend time with Him every morning. No, I'm not bragging. Some mornings it is very difficult to get up earlier than I need to in order to have that time. And, sometimes I have fallen back to sleep for a little while. But it is time I treasure and time I find most valuable. It has been the way I've started my day for over 25 years and I don't know if I could just get up and NOT spend at least a few minutes with God in the morning. Sure, when we are with others it can be difficult, but I think I have managed to spend a few minutes at least to pray if I can't read my Bible as well. For me, it is time much needed to start my day. Once I do that, I feel I can handle whatever comes at me during the day and know that I can get throught it.

What about you? When was the last time you spent some time with God? Even on your way to work you can utter a prayer to Him to help you stay on track and get your work done timely and well. Pray for your family, your spouse and children. Pray for friends that need Him. Pray for yourself, that you will receive strength to get through personal issues. God is always with us and waiting to hear from us. Take some time and allow yourself to speak to God....and listen.... you just might hear His whisper back.


Friday, January 16, 2015

Learned something I hadn't thought about before.....

I've been reading a book called The 7 Habits of Highly Effective People here at work. Actually, our President and HR are working together for those who are - or want to be - leaders to go through the book together. I jumped at the opportunity to learn something new. I had read the books years ago, but obviously I have forgotten what I read, it has been so long. So I was anxious to get started again, to have discussion and just learn from it. I always retain more when a book is discussed than I do just reading through it.

One thing I learned in the first habit is that we lose integrity to ourselves (and others) when we say we are going to do something - and don't. For example, if you say you are going to start a new diet on Monday morning, or get up early in the morning and start exercising, and then choose not to do either because you just don't want to do it, you lose integrity with yourself because you are not holding yourself accountable to what you said you were going to do. Another example is throwing away a pack of cigarettes and saying "I'm quitting smoking". You quit for a day or two - and then buy another pack. You set yourself up for failure. Regardless of what we think, meaning 'I can't do this'.... we lose integrity to ourselves because we quit on ourselves. Think about that.

As we all know, when we tell someone we will do something and (without a valid reason) then don't follow through, we lose our integrity with that person. We may brush them off and say 'I'm too busy for them today' or 'I know I said I'd pay that bill, but I don't have any money because I need to .... ' we lose integrity with that person, or that company. After a few of these failures to follow through on your word, they no longer believe you, nor trust you.

And we want people to believe us. We want people to trust us. Especially those we love and care about. What about our spouse, our children? We want them to believe us and trust us and respect us. But when we fail to live what our word says, or fail to live as we should, we lose that trust, that respect, that integrity.

I think the part that really got me was the one of losing integrity with myself. How many times have I told myself I will get up and exercise.... or will do this or that.... and I don't get it done, without a valid reason... I'm guilty. As I'm sure you are.

Let's make a deal with each other. You and me. Let's start today by doing what we say we will do. By living as we say we should live. By saying what we mean, and meaning what we say. You in?
Let's do it!


Monday, January 12, 2015

Got some things done.....

Saturday I worked hard. I don't know what possessed me. By that, I mean I don't know what got me focused on getting something done. But I tell you what, although I am a big procrastinator, and I am sure I have ADHD - I got one room cleaned that I wanted to get cleaned on Saturday. I still have my back room, the guest room, and my office - all of which really needs a good clean-up. So what got my attention?

I had to go to the grocery store. So I cleaned out the refrigerator so that I could see what we really needed to buy. With that accomplished, I turned to the pantry. Oh yeah, all the shelves were really dusty - and have been for some time. But I straightened up the shelves and put the cans where they belonged. I made up a brief grocery list, after all, I am in between paydays. And off I went to the grocery.

You are probably figuring out already where I spent my time most of Saturday. Yep, after I came home from the grocery and started to put things away, I again looked at the dust on the pantry shelves and decided that since the shelves were nearly bare anyway, before I put the new cans on the shelf, I needed to clean them off. So shelf by shelf I took things off and was able to complete all but two of the bottom shelves where I keep my pampered chef pans and big stuff. I even got the shelves in front of the window. Then I started getting real light-headed, not sure why. Allergic to work? Doubtful. But the light-headedness persisted so when I finished with all but the two heavy laden shelves, I took to the couch to ward off any issues. Still not sure what caused it, but it lasted most of the day. Because I didn't eat lunch? Maybe - but I had a big breakfast. I don't know. It was just a real weird feeling, for sure. Cleared up after six that evening and it hasn't come back - hopefully it was just a quirk.

So now the pantry is cleaned and dusted and things are back on the shelves. Looks pretty good, even if I do say so myself! After church I let myself go play with my daughter and walk around a couple shops. No, the only thing I bought was a new box of tea for work. But it was a nice day and was good to get out.

The good part of having to 'rest' on Saturday after cleaning is that I was able to complete one book I was reading and read more in another book I am doing for work. And of course keep caught up in my 'Words with Friends'. I like the game cause it helps me keep my mind busy.

It is interesting that altho I 'rested' on Saturday, I didn't go to sleep in the afternoon - and come evening, I was awake several times during the night. Saturday night when I would awake I was reminded to pray over my boys.... hope there wasn't a real reason.... But again last night I was awakened three times during the night. Not sure why I woke up, but sure hope I sleep through the night tonight.

I don't usually mind being wakened during the night when my thoughts will focus and a name will come to mind for me to pray for. After I pray I usually go right back to sleep. I'm glad of that - 4AM comes early in the morning! Marley most always now is on the futon waiting on me when I come in. I whisper to her in the dark ('it's me, girl) and then walk across the room to turn the light on. She goes back to sleep until she senses me putting things down so that I can get up and head to the other room to get dressed. She's so funny. This morning as I was stacking my books up, she gets up and stretches, then sits in front of me. As I started to get up, she puts her two front paws on me to tell me, "not yet" - and then proceeds to climb into my lap. After petting her and loving on her for a minute, I have to make her get off for she won't get off on her own. This has gotten to be a morning ritual for her. Then she runs to the back door so that I can let her out for her 'morning duties', then runs back to the door to come in. This morning it was wet out.

My morning drive started out with going around an accident right where I turn on the street to get on the freeway. I ended up having to go into the shopping mall area and go around that way to get to the freeway entrance. Yeah, I could have done a u-turn, but, whatever. I didn't see any other accidents, although the road was very wet. I left a lot of room between me and the person in front of me. It wasn't too bad - but I'm hearing people come in and talking about the accidents they passed on the way in. One said on her drive she saw 3 accidents! My boss said she saw one. I always thank God that He gets me through all accidents and keeps me from being a part of it. Of course I have to do my part and drive carefully, then He does His part and takes care of me.

Hope that you have a safe driving day and since hubby and I have already prayed for our children on the road today, I'm going to trust they will also get through the day safely. Be safe out there.