Thursday, October 19, 2017

I'm so cold....and....

it isn't even winter yet! It's only OCTOBER!!

My little corner M-F is literally in a corner, and I have a window off to the side.... the window is not the problem.... the problem is the two air vents directly above me. I am freezing. And I have been since I started here. Hence the sweater that came in with me on day 2. It stays at the office.

Today I have a jacket on. I'm still freezing. Yesterday I wore a blouse, a shrug, AND a sweater on top of that. I am pretty sure they won't turn the air up to a higher temperature just for me. No sense in complaining. I did get up and take a little walk outside a bit ago, hoping to warm up.

But the weather is not cooperating today.... it's cloudy out and rain (seriously, they have forecast rain - in Phoenix/Mesa) is on the agenda. So it's probably in the low 70's - it was 72 when I came in this morning. I took a little walk, but didn't warm up much. So I came back up and fixed a cup of hot green tea.

It's times like this I even pray God will give me a 'hot flash' - although my hot flashes were never that bad - I've seen women really sweat during one - and it cracks me up. I may get a little warm, but it never lasts more than 30 seconds so it's no big deal to me. I can take a sweater off - and then turn around and have to put it back on!

I don't know why I'm always so cold - doesn't matter if it is summer or winter - I am freezing. Hubby can have the fan on, and I'm buried under a blanket watching TV or reading. I'm about ready for the fireplace to be lit. Only problem with that is that the heat isn't blown out into the room - it just sits there and looks pretty. You have to be within six inches of the fire to feel any of the heat. But it does look nice.

I need to invest in more long sleeve tops, I think. A little bit more cooler and I'll start wearing sweaters under the sweaters. When I leave here in the afternoon, the temps have usually warmed up so a sweater would be way too warm. Occasionally I still put the air on about 1/2 way home. Other nights I just sink into the cushion and let the warmth of the seats warm me up.

And that's ok. I'm just unique and different.

Kind of like how people are when they say they believe in God. You can tell more by their warmth - than you can by their coldness. Not to say it has anything to do with body temperature - but more like heart temperature. I know people who would fight to the death that they are Christians, but their lives, their words, their actions all say a different thing. I'm not perfect, by any means, and I often have to go back and apologize for something I said, or something that could have been taken wrong. Everyday I ask God for forgiveness and if there is something I need to apologize for, to bring it to mind so that I can be a witness for Him.

How warm are YOU today?


Wednesday, October 18, 2017

Time goes on....

It's been a couple weeks since I've put anything in here..... and I'm still working - I guess that is a good sign. The stress has gone down some, but currently, I'm not completely good with everything yet. I FINALLY got all the meetings I needed to do created and in the system. Now to go back and get lunches and snacks and other things ordered for these meetings. I still need to work with the hotel where a few of the meetings are - found out last week that the person I had been calling and leaving voicemails for, sending emails to, well, he is no longer there. So I finally got ahold of another person Friday - they were to call me back. They didn't. I sent an email yesterday. Still no response. I'm going to call again today. The first big meeting there is November 6 so I got to get on it.

And I'm tired. I'm growing weary of the pressure of having to work all the time. I don't know if I will have any vacation days until ?? I understand we get 7 hours a pay period, but holidays come out of that time as well.... and Thanksgiving is our next holiday and we have two days off - and I currently have 8 hours. After Thanksgiving will be Christmas. I will be squeezing grandchildren in on the weekends to get the Christmas baking done - but I guess I pretty much do that anyway. I love Christmas and I certainly don't want 'things' to get in the way of celebrating with the grandchildren by baking cookies and making Christmas mice. I want to find some other things to do too - but just don't know if I can find the time to find anything. And that's ok. I think they are happy making cookies.

Need to start pulling together messages for the next six months. I think I speak about 2-3 times a month some months. Since we go to two facilities, it is easy to do one message at both places - but still, I need to do about 8 new ones since those are at one facility. It will all come together and I love Pastor Steve for letting me pull his messages and make them mine. He knows I do it - I tell him - and give him the results. Occasionally I can pull one of my own pretty much together, but with the lack of time to do it, it's easier to take one already created and make it mine by deleting some things and adding my stories.

And when I get home, I'm tired, so I sit and watch a movie or read or review facebook. I need to get focused and get things done. So much I want to do, but when I get home I'm not only tired, but usually discouraged somewhat, and lose all desire to clean or straighten things up. I have started my Amazon Christmas shopping - so I guess technically, that I am getting something done. Christmas will be skimpy... don't know what I'll get everyone.... it's so hard to make that decision.

Need to get busy - have lots to get done. Think I will start playing the lottery. If I could win a million dollars, I could quit work. Then again, I would have to go to work to keep my sanity. Catch 22 I guess.


Thursday, October 5, 2017


Yesterday started off as a good day. My mind awoke to a song chorus playing in my head....

Your love is greater
Your love is stronger
Your love awakens
Awakens me
Your love is greater
Your love is stronger
Your love awakens
Awakens me

and when I went to do my quiet time, the devotional book I recently bought is called Awaken by Priscilla Schirer. The words she shared about awakening your mind and heart in scripture really spoke to me. Today was another good devotional.

But, then life happens and gets crazy at times. Work is going well but I have so much to learn. I'm so used to a boss who is pretty much self-sufficient and can do a lot of things on her own. I still have her but also have a new boss who the person before me waited on hand and foot and did everything for her. She wants meetings on top of meetings and I rarely can find a conference room for her meetings. No exaggeration - I have about 30 meetings to schedule for her between now and March. And that isn't counting the ones that she throws at me every day. I go home worn out and mentally exhausted.

I think I got admonished this morning. The former 'secretary' came over to me and asked if I went in early to the conference room and turned on the audio/visual for this meeting. I just looked at her and said, no, I didn't know I was supposed to. She seemed perturbed that I didn't do it. She had told me the other day that she was from the Philipines and in HER former country they did everything for their bosses. "That's why a lot of US companies go to the Philipines because we take care of them." I bit my tongue. I wanted to say this is the US and OUR people do things for themselves. But I didn't. I just let it go.

Today is another eventful day..... my daughter's 16th BMT birthday. I wonder if anyone ever remembers but me. I did create a post on Facebook and I sent her a text - and for some reason, I have been shedding tears all morning. Is it because of the stress I'm under here or just remembering that year of the unknown - whether she would live or die - I don't know. Only by God's grace did she get bone marrow from an unknown donor and it "took" so that her body healed. Her life since that time has been very traumatic - but not from the BMT - but from life itself. Some brought on by herself, some by others. And that hurts too.

Some days I just want to run away..... the pain is real. I know my thoughts are going all over the place today.... and I need to get to work. Hope that your day is a good one... I'm going to make mine good.....


Saturday, September 23, 2017

Nothing Intended....

I'm tired. I mean I'm really tired. I had my first week at work and it wasn't so much stressful, as it was overwhelming at times. Working with one boss is fine - I know her and I know how she does things and we work very well together. Which is why she wanted me to come work with her again. But I now have a second boss (who volunteered my time to a 'third boss' I was just meeting last Friday) who is in the middle of a big bid process and I have daily (it seems) intense meetings that I need to get set up with all kinds of different people - and although these meetings have priority, I don't know the other people to determine if their meetings are just as important. This will go on until about March. I hope I survive that long!

Looking back over the past week - Monday I didn't get much done because the first thing I'm supposed to do is get into the HR site and complete some tasks - ie benefits, w4, etc. Tuesday was much more busy - still trying to figure out things and still not able to access HR and getting more and more information emailed to me by coworkers and I don't have a clue what they are talking about.... I came home asking myself "What in the world were you thinking?!" Wednesday I was beginning to feel like I was getting a grasp on things, Thursday about the same - and Friday I was in a meeting most of the day. Oh - I called HR on Wednesday to tell them I still couldn't get in the system to access my records - only to find out I had not been activated yet (oh, no one told us you were here) - and it would be two more days before I could get into my benefits. Friday I tried at work and yes, I could access my benefits, but didn't have time to look at them - plus I had 23 sessions in the learning center I needed to review, take tests for, and complete. Oh - and my boss emailed HR on Friday to tell them she couldn't find my timecard to approve. Their response - oh we didn't know she had started.

So I brought my work computer home with the intent of getting online to complete these tests. Only to find I can't get online. I'm not sure how to do it. Something about mobile pass and codes and I have no clue. I know it's just me - and the fact that I am computer illiterate. I tried to download citrix on my home computer because I did print out those instructions - but what it tells me to download - isn't there. I give up for today. I just can't deal with it now. I'll try again tomorrow afternoon and see what I can do.

Which is why I am typing this - I have my home computer up - decided to at least get one thing done. Maybe I'll try to clear up some emails. I need to make a folder for several items I forwarded to my email from the other office - I lost a lot of things because I had to relive the girl at the front desk because at noon on a Friday afternoon she decided she needed to go to the Urgent Care about her ankle which she had hit against something 3 days earlier and it was very painful. Yeah, it irritated me because I had to sit at the front desk - and everyone kept stopping by to talk on their way out - which normally would be ok - but my computer was scheduled to be shut off and then I could not forward any other folders to my home email. So I lost a lot of things I really wanted to keep. Oh well. It's done. I was to get my last check yesterday - it finally arrived today - a live check. Hubby hurried to the bank today to get it in.

We are already having a bake sale next week - it was to be last week but the boss forgot to put a notice out to ask for bakers. So - of course now she has put me in charge of it... so we are doing it next week. I baked some cranberry pumpkin nut bread this afternoon because I can put it in the freezer then take out on Wednesday to take in on Thursday. I am now working an hour later than usual so don't get home until about 5:30PM or so. I have a feeling I will be putting in long days from now on. But I'm exempt so I don't have to punch a timecard - otherwise I would have a mess trying to keep it at 8 hours.

I guess I've rambled on enough for today. Hubby is watching Notre Dame football. 6PM. I suppose I need to round up something for dinner.... have a good evening..


Monday, September 11, 2017

4 days and counting....

I think I really am starting to count the days. Friday. 4 more days. No extra time off. Monday I start at my new job on Monday. I'm excited, and yet....

The past two weeks have been crazy, trying to get things completed and passed on here, working electronically on things I need to complete for the new company, and just living life. This past weekend I did absolutely nothing. I finished up a Christmas gift on Friday night - and Saturday and Sunday we were glued to the TV basically, watching Hurricane Irma go down (or up) the coast of Florida and praying for friends and family members that lived there. Other than church, we did nothing.

In fact, at church, we had a vote. We are selling the property to another church in the city. They are more than fair with what they offered for it. They are bending over backwards to help our church find another location and to let us take anything we want from the church/buildings. It affects us, and yet, it doesn't affect us. From November to March we are only there maybe one Sunday a month. Not sure what we will do once the church moves. We've lost the 'heart' for the church..... it used to be "home" for us, but for the past several years, it has not been that at all. I've tried to teach and the lead pastor won't let me. I can only do what he will allow. Micro-manage stuff. And we lost two wonderful pastors - and well, I won't go there. It has ripped the church apart, for sure. I don't feel I can trust either of the pastors left. If you can't trust your pastor....can't believe what he says....

Today at work has been busy - and hard. This morning we had what is called a "patriot's breakfast" to honor and remember the 9-11-01 attack on the World Trade Center. Lots of good food from Chompies. But then this afternoon.... about an hour ago..... 5 of the 7 employees in this one department got laid off. I'm sure they got severance checks - but that's not the point. None had expected it. One is out on bereavement and was told to call in for this mandatory meeting. Seriously? Another just came back from bereavement. Another had to leave for an emergency family situation and had to call in. It hurts for these people were / are my friends. I feel so sad for them.

Last week my current boss told me that they probably would NOT replace me. The person I had recommended has been told to come over here only a couple days a week from the other building "if she wanted to" - other than that, she can stay where she is. I was told by my current boss that she wants to convert my position in to a data analyst position. Which could mean they would have transferred me to another area, given me a severance check and let me go, or.... I don't know. Today I am really glad I'm already making plans to leave. I still haven't been able to get a relationship with the new boss and she has been here four months now. And other people have seen it too. Many people close to me have told me I need to go for they can see I'm not happy. I have enough to do - but none of it relates to my new boss. She makes 99% of her own meetings and they are Skype meetings - which means she doesn't have to see people - she stays in her office with the door shut.

I feel sad for my friends who were let go today. They were all good people and hard workers. It just doesn't make sense to me.

I miss my 'family'.... my children are feuding and not talking to each other.... and half the time they don't even talk to me. Everyone is busy with their own lives and families, and I understand that. I need to plan some family meals and start inviting them over so that we can catch up. I miss them.

On another note, my friend from over 40 years ago and I finally connected - and talked over 3 hours - imagine that! She remembered more than I did! Sad part is that her 3 girls don't talk to her because she moved from Indiana to Arizona. Like that is a reason. They are mad at her about it - and it's been 7 years. One would think that would be long enough. If my children did that to me - I would just die. I think we are going to bring our spouses and meet up this weekend. The spouses had not met yet so this should be interesting. Both of us have "new" spouses. I think they have been married over 25 years - us 35 this year.

It's nearly time to go home so I'm going to shut up. May have to start getting on my computer at home so that I can start writing again. Therapy sometimes. My old computer won't come up now - and the new one is acting up - I'm so fed up with both I'd like to throw them away. But I need something.... pray for me.... I'm not doing real well right now....


Wednesday, August 30, 2017

So much, so little time.....

I'm moving on. I'm increasing my knowledge, using what I already know, and looking to learn more. I'm letting go of the past, and moving on to a new journey.

Yep, I've given my notice at work and I'm moving to a new company (for me, anyway) beginning on September 18th. A whole new journey, for sure. Part of me is nervous. Part of me is excited. Most of me is overwhelmed with all I have to do before I leave.

And all that I am having to do before I can move into that new journey. I have received at least 10 emails telling me of things I need to do PRIOR to moving in to this new position. I've applied, had the interview, been offered the position - and now having to put things electronically and get my physical (Friday), review a video of a 'new hire tour', and answer numerous questions and submit numerous documents. I have been overwhelmed, to say the least. Part of me is thinking "what are you putting yourself through this for?" and yet, this is a great opportunity for me and I'm not the only one having to go through all these hoops to get this job. Next week I need to attend an "on-boarding" session in Mesa.... and I don't even start for another two weeks!!

I've put in for my last two vacation days - and I'm not sure I'll get paid as my current boss says "I can't figure out how to approve it" - or basically some other excuse. This Friday is at the end of the payperiod so if she has not approved my time off by Thursday afternoon, I will clock in and out as though I'm working even though I'm off. She will not cause me to have an unpaid day. It's these little issues that drive me crazy. I think she has a major case of ADD because she is all over the place.

Oh well, enough of that. Working on getting my paperwork done for the new position..... they tell me the new office is "only 6 miles further down the road" which can translate into another 30 minutes of driving time. I hate change and I hate having to find places that I don't know where they are at. I think this weekend I will be taking a drive to Mesa to see where these places are that I have to go to next week.

Life has been busy. An old, old, friend has contacted me via facebook and we have emailed - and last night we chatted for over an hour. She knew me in my "before" life as I now know it. We are actually meeting for dinner tonight to catch up some more. It's been wow - close to 45 years or so since we have seen or talked to each other. Don't even remember why we quit connecting. Interesting.

Break over - back to work - maybe I can get back to writing on weekends.....


Monday, August 7, 2017

Catching up.....

Although I have written a couple times since the last time, I have left them in draft form. Sometimes it is better that way. I try to be careful what I write some times.... most time when I write in my journal at home - if I even do that - I can write what I'm really thinking or feeling.... but even then, I have started to review and dispose of those pages that say what I don't want others to read. Not that it is bad that I think those things or even that I wrote them down, but it is an avenue for me to get out my hurt and anger at times.

Yeah, I do get hurt - a lot lately, it seems. Some people seem to take pleasure in texting or writing things that are hurtful. I don't understand where they are coming from, so I choose to ignore and not respond to them. And I get angry - but that doesn't seem to matter to anyone. And I try not to take it out on others. Yet, I know I do at times.

I got "the text" from my old boss on Friday that the position she wanted me to apply for had been posted. So I went online and applied. I was really having mixed emotions about it. I mean, I really do have a good job right now. As the ONLY executive admin in this building, I am in charge of a lot of things, I have a lot of responsibility, and I am well liked. However, I have a new boss who doesn't see the importance of relationships. In fact, I was told once that she is used to working remote from home, and was only in the office at a prior job one or two days a week. Which that would explain why she stays in her office behind a closed door on the phone and computer all the time. Nearly every meeting is a Skype meeting - and there is no human personal interaction. Kind of sad, really.

Today I was put on a Skype call about a report I send out daily. I have sent this report out for the past 5 years - Monday through Friday. To make it a bit more interesting, I have taken to writing stories pulled from the internet - and more recently, excerpts from a leadership book. Actually, we have gone through 5 leadership books now and I have always gotten positive comments about what I sent out. Well, I'm on this call and I'm being questioned on the report I send out. Now mind you, it takes maybe 5 minutes to pull the report. Seriously. I go in to "centelligence" and pull the reports, and then send out.

I've had to give a list of names I send the report to. Big deal. My boss has never asked me about the report. Never asked who I sent it to. Never questioned me about why I send it out. She has no clue. I got an email from her on Friday to send out the report with the comment that the medical management team was looking at it. Yesterday (Sunday) she sent me an email and said that I was not to send any "inspirational message" with the report.

I was ready to finish the current book - down to the last chapter which I had fixed to finish on Thursday because I go on vacation on Friday. I knew there were people who do read the books so after I sent out the report with just the statement I was told to send with it, I added all the days for the book to finish it up - and sent it out on a separate email - and told them I wasn't able to send any more books. I got several emails back - even from a VP - what does that mean?! So I told them - I was told no more "inspirational messages".

On the Skype call today, after discussing how I pull the report and why I pull the reports and who I send to, it was commented "I don't know why we are having this meeting - there isn't anything wrong with how it is being done". Well duh. They told me to continue as I had been, sending out the report. Then the corporate guy says - what is this stuff on the body of the email.... and I explained that 'in the past' I was taking people through different leadership books. He told me he would like to be included in my emails. I told him I was told to no longer send out inspirational messages. So he told me that if I did start it up again, please to include him. LOL ya gotta just shake your head!!

So now I'm waiting to get a call for an interview for this new position. I would love to work with my "old" boss and friend again - even though I will be driving another ten miles or so on the freeway. It would be worth it. I gave myself a $4 raise as a "I need to be offered no less than...". I'm on vacation starting Friday - so I'm hoping that when I come back I will be able to give a two week notice. I had already figured September 11 would be a good day to start a new job.

Which will put everyone here in a tizzy - we usually have a huge breakfast and I won't be here to set it up. But it all depends on when I interview, and when the job gets offered. I may have to bump it to the 18th. One thing for sure - I want to be sure I use up my vacation days - don't know if I will get anymore this year.

And now I have rambled on for a little while - so need to close this off...