Wednesday, June 21, 2017

catching up....

Nacho Bar at work today. I love nachos. I bought some. The office also has a bake sale going on. I bought at the bake sale too. Not that I will eat everything, but I will eat my nachos. I took over my $10 donation.... $5 for the nachos and $5 for baked goods (cookies, cupcake, etc.) so now I'm done. The money is going for school supplies for teachers and students at a couple schools the company has adopted. One school is in Tucson, the other school is in Tempe. Hopefully they will raise a lot of money. I'm really grateful I'm not involved in all that fund-raising. At least this time. They did ask me to make my key lime pie (last fundraiser I donated six key lime pies at $5/slice - or $15 per pie - made a lot of money) but I haven't. Not sure that I will this time. It was a lot of work. I actually forgot about baking last night.... I went to dinner with a girlfriend and hubby has his men's group over.

I keep checking my son's blog and he isn't writing. In fact, according to his last blog, he's still waiting on his new grandchild - who is now two months old! In fairness, he did change jobs and has to go into work MUCH earlier than the used to. He doesn't have the luxury of sitting around and reading blogs in the mornings. And his evenings are apparently filled with other activity. Enough said about that! I miss reading his blogs - especially when he tells stories. I still believe if he really wanted to, he could write a novel and it would be a best seller.

My 'old' boss has moved on to her new company, and I'm still trying to 'connect' with my new boss. She's nice, but I just don't feel connected. It's going on 4 weeks now.... surely we can connect soon. Maybe it is that I don't feel I can just pop into her office and chat like I did with Sue. Speaking of, she is settling in quite well in her new position..... sent me a text on Saturday that she is working on an executive assistant position and will let me know just in case I would be interested. It will definitely be all about the $ if I can move to it. This position is in Mesa which is further than I drive now.... but I figure I can't complain - I have two boys that work in Mesa in different areas. In the meantime, I just continue to do what I've always done... but most of the time I don't have much to do. Maybe my new boss is still trying to figure out what SHE should do.

I'm dealing with a case of 'identity theft' and 'fraud'. A company in California charged my debit card with $280. I protested and the bank reversed the charge. That was in April. This past weekend, my bank turned around and took it back out of my account. When I called the bank, they said the company sent them proof with my name and address on the invoice that I purchased it, so they paid it. I went in to the bank on my way home from work and explained I DID NOT make that purchase, nor did I receive it. Supposedly there is a fed ex delivery involved with it. I am waiting for the invoice copy and fed ex number to be sent to me from the bank. I have also looked up and emailed the California company. It appears to be a beauty supply type company - with hairdryers and curling irons priced over $100 each! Someone bought them some nice equipment with my money. I emailed the company but have not heard back from them. I will give them until I get the information from my bank. If I do not hear and resolve this by then, I will call the police and file a fraud case against the company and against the person who was on the receiving end. I had never even heard of this company - T3 I do hope we can resolve this and I get my money back without my having to report them to the BBB and file fraud charges. I feel the company should have had an alert in place that if the billing address does not agree with the shipping address and they are not a regular customer, there needs to be a flag to request additional proof of identify. Having my debit card number, my address and name, should not be sufficient without a DL number or something else. I was so angry at my bank. I told them that I trusted them to take care of my money, and they have proven I can not trust them to do so. So I'm thinking of taking what little bit I have and just saving it at home. Leave just enough in the bank to pay bills. I'm not sure what I'm going to do but something will be started by this time next week. It has upset me but my hands are currently tied until I get information as to where the delivery was. And I will file fraud charges. Hopefully I can get my $280 back. That's a lot of money for me to lose. Thank God I got paid on Friday before they took it out - but it has created problems.

Oh well. I need to clock back in from lunch - just want to catch my blog up. The song "Even If" by Mercy Me has been running through my mind for a couple weeks now. I think I posted the words in a previous blog. Right now, that's what is holding me intact.


Monday, June 12, 2017

and she's gone....

Yes, my boss is now gone. Rather, I guess I should say my former boss. Friday was her last day at work and I organized a bbq potluck for her - that really turned out well. She was a beloved boss - and really, still is. She started her new job today with the new company. I miss her already.

My day went well, I think. I was busy working on organizational charts and other things. I wish I had the time for I'd like to take some time off - but then it would be a waste for we can't do anything. People just don't understand, and I can't say anything. I only get two weeks a year now... so I've already used one week up, and have another week and a personal day scheduled off. which leaves me 3 personal days. I don't want to waste them - we are barely into 1/2 the year mark. I took two days off a week ago which were a total waste - I should have gone into work.

I've been looking up my ancestry - it's been interesting - but to really find out information, they want you to pay a monthly fee. I'm not to the point yet that I'm willing to pay even the 6 month special price. I had to laugh when I got my dna checked - it immediately came back that my youngest son (who has also submitted his dna) and I are parent child. I laughed. We matched pretty well. It shows we both are a high percentage of scandinavian. which I found interesting. I don't know any relatives from there.

Hubby finally got his back - and although we expected German or Scottish due to his sternness, we were very surprised to find he was 75 percent Great Britain! What a hoot! I've been trying to find out more - but again, they want $$ and I'm not ready to do that. So I keep checking other ways to find out information.

For now, it's been entertaining. Men's group is tonight so I've been vanquished to my back room. Just playing on the computer.

I think I could take a nap though,. But then I wouldn't sleep later.

Think I will go check out more sites. Who knows, I might find something.


Thursday, June 8, 2017

Changes - they are all around me......

So many changes are happening around me. Changes that do affect me, changes that do not. I thought I was strong. I thought I could handle change. I really believed I was doing ok.

Then last Tuesday I sat at my desk and pulled every one of my gel fingernails off. The gel polish on my fingernails, that is. Some of the pulling was painful....but yet I persisted in pulling it off and in doing so, also pulled some of the layer of my nail(s) off. I knew what I was doing. I knew it would be painful. But I did it anyway.

Side note.... it just dawned on me while writing this..... I can understand when people 'cut' themselves.... when people 'hurt' themselves.... when people use erasers to rub on their skin in one spot so that it penetrates all the layers of the skin.... I can understand.....

The pain is real. The pain is great. The pain is internal. No one can understand what one is enduring... what one holds in.

I was recently rebuked because I didn't do something that someone thought I ought to do... which in fact was a good thing to do.... but I couldn't let myself. I finally told them.... if I had done this, I would have started crying and I am afraid that once I start crying, I will not be able to control myself. I fight myself - sometimes daily - with my pain I hold inside. Unfortunately, I think I have passed this trait on to my children - especially my boys.

It's ok to cry - it really is. It is a cleansing relief. I know that. But if I cry, it has to be alone with God. He is the One whom I want to comfort me, for He is the ONLY One who can understand my pain, my anguish, my sorrow, my darkest night. I can't let myself go with anyone else. I can almost pinpoint when that happened. When I began to bury my pain. But that's another story.

Changes are going on in our church. Dear friends have left the church and moved on. Both totally unexpected. I had dinner with one friend last week. She explained her departure - and shared with me how Jesus told her to "jump or be pushed". She decided to 'jump'. When she hit the period on the resignation letter, her phone rang with an offer of a position that she truly would love with a prayer ministry that she had worked with before. It was definitely all God. My other friend has left as well. I do not know where God is leading her, but I know He will have His hand on her to guide her and direct her path. Both awesome women of God who let God lead. The church is in turmoil. What will happen I do not know.

Changes are going on at my work. My company was not awarded a contract so when our current contract ends on 9/30/17, over 125 people will be let go ... including my beloved boss. I am not affected because of the position I hold within the company... I can just be moved to another area, another department. But tomorrow is my boss' last day, and it's tough. I've done well thus far, and held back my tears. After all, it's just a job. We are still the best of friends and have a plan B that we have used in the past that we will activate once again. We've been working together right about 25 years. God has blessed her by giving her a very nice position within the company who WAS awarded the contract. She starts there on Monday. And on Monday I officially start working for another boss, back in my original department. It's ok. It's just a new learning curve and building a relationship with a new person.

Changes in life - youngest son just bought a new house and moved (or rather, is moving) further away..... middle son has a new granddaughter..... oldest child/daughter.... trying to talk her into moving closer to us so we can do some things together. Her daughter (our granddaughter) has moved about 5 minutes away from us. And there are other changes. Only God knows how I struggle so with life. Only God knows the anguish I hold in from those who shut me out of their lives. Only God can strengthen me and help me smile and pretend that all is well with my soul. And it is.

There is a song that I hold on to - It is Well With My Soul, and Mercy Me has come out with another song that truly hits home....

Even If

They say sometimes you win some
Sometimes you lose some
And right now, right now I'm losing bad
I've stood on this stage night after night
Reminding the broken it'll be alright
But right now, oh right now I just can't

It's easy to sing
When there's nothing to bring me down
But what will I say
When I'm held to the flame
Like I am right now

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

They say it only takes a little faith
To move a mountain
Well good thing
A little faith is all I have, right now
But God, when You choose
To leave mountains unmovable
Oh give me the strength to be able to sing
It is well with my soul

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, and I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

You've been faithful, You've been good
All of my days
Jesus, I will cling to You
Come what may
‘Cause I know You're able
I know You can

I know You're able and I know You can
Save through the fire with Your mighty hand
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone
I know the sorrow, I know the hurt
Would all go away if You'd just say the word
But even if You don't
My hope is You alone

It is well with my soul
It is well, it is well with my soul

Songwriters: Bart Marshall Millard / Benjamin Glover / Crystal Lewis / David Arthur Garcia / Tim Timmons
Even If lyrics © Sony/ATV Music Publishing LLC, Music Services, Inc

and so I will say..... It is well with my soul. It is well, it is well with my soul.


Friday, May 19, 2017

It's the little things.....

I had a good Mother's Day. It's not often that I can say that, but this year I can. It was a very good time of year.

The day before Mother's Day I received a package in the mail. It was a sprinkler can full of bulbs that had about 1" growth on them. Barely could see them at first. By Monday they were about 6" high. Yesterday, Thursday, 3 of the bulbs had blooms and a sweet fragrance was in the kitchen. The green is about a foot high now (all in less than a week!!) and there are a few more bulbs getting ready to pop open with flowers. It is beautiful!

So I text'd my son who sent me the flowers a photo of the flowers that have come up already. Here is our conversation:

Still blooming - these give off a
beautiful fragrance!

I'm glad Mothers Day brought
you something you are enjoying
on a daily basis .... looks like
more to bloom yet as well.

I am enjoying them very much -
and yes, several more ready to
bloom. (heart) them! Love you!

heh. Just remember ... and

I won't even say I'm the
favorite....because I don't need
to say it....


Now you know I don't have

Never said I was..... you got two
other kids that believe they are.
I'm just a guy that loves his

(heart) (smiley blow kiss)

Heh. Whatever.

love ya mom

Love you too!

and this morning I got up to...

Iknow. You tell me often

and I'm glad I do. I want all my children to know how dearly I love them. They really don't have a clue... unless they think about how much they love their own children. Then they may have a glimpse of my love for them.

Mother's Day my youngest son and his family came over after church and he grilled steaks and I fixed sides to go with it. Afterwards we watched a movie and it was a really good afternoon. Even hubby didn't have too many complaints. :)

My daughter and her children text'd me.... I think we are getting together for dinner soon. That's what I told her that I wanted. 1:1 time. That's what I tell all my children (and grandchildren). I want memories made. I'm glad her children waited on her for Mother's Day.

Monday I had the holiday continue.... I received another box... only this time it was chocolate dipped cookies! Yes, I have been eating them! And they are the best I've had in a long time - they are soooo good! Again, a gift from the son who sent the flowers - but his note this time blessed me. It said (I'm trying to remember) "sending more love - because I can" or something like that. I am blessed.

I don't have favorites. I don't want favorites. I want to love my children and my grandchildren - and my great-grandchildren uniquely in their own way. They are each a blessing to me. Yes, I get my feelings hurt and feel pushed aside sometimes, but the times my children stop to just say "I love you, mom", I know that I feel truly blessed.

Thank you, Jesus, for the blessings you give me.


Tuesday, May 16, 2017

What does the future hold....

Lots of changes going on in my company. We lost our contract for one population, so my boss will be out of a job within a few months. Normally it would also affect me, but since she is a VP and I'm an executive assistant, they can move me into another department and keep me. (which means neither of us get a severance package) But, she has found another job and will be leaving this company on June 9th. This is a great loss for the company, and I really wish they had found a place for her, but they didn't. They are actually letting her go. She had two opportunities to move into the corporate realm and do other things, but she has chosen to go to the company who did win a contract, and help them set up their new department. Most of that department here will be going with her.

I have been asked numerous times the past month if I am going with her. Even more so since she has officially given her notice. For right now, I say no. I don't know what I'm going to do. I heard that most of the staff will be going to the Mesa area office; but my boss feels she will be going to an office nearby. So I have taken the stance that my answer will probably be 'no', because I don't want to drive numerous more miles to get to work.

Until yesterday when I was talking with a friend who also had accepted a position with this new company and encouraged me to come too. I told him that I didn't want to drive that far.... then he pointed out that the office was only 5 more miles down the freeway. Only 5 more miles? Hmmmmm that may not be bad. So I've gotten to thinking about it - and my boss is all for it. But, we both agree that I am going to wait until she gets started, and then see what is available. At one point we knew there were 3 admin positions open - however, I am a grade level or two above that. Well, that could be just this company. If they would offer me more money to leave and be an admin - I just might do it, for it isn't about the title. Nor about more money. But I can't take much less. It's more working with my boss whom I have worked with for nearly 25 years and love dearly. We are a good fit - and it's hard to make that tight of a connection with your boss/employee.

So for now, I'm just waiting it out. She starts June 12th at her new position. By end of summer, I may be leaving here.... or I may be staying. My boss and I will remain friends and stay in touch so it isn't that. There was about 3 years we didn't work together and we met once a month to walk a few miles then have breakfast together to catch up. If we have to go back to that - we can. By end of summer, maybe I will know what my future will hold as far as employment. I know I have to work; I don't have a choice in that. I may as well do something I enjoy with someone I enjoy working for.

Stay tuned.... life is full of changes.


Wednesday, May 3, 2017

I am so excited....

cause we are going to see our new great-grandbaby this weekend! I have had this yearning within me for several days now to go see her, but other things have been in the way. I found we weren't scheduled for anything at church this weekend but I did have a lunch scheduled on Saturday with a friend. I opted to send my friend an email and ask to move it to next week. I contacted my granddaughter to see if we could come down - and she said hubby was working nights, but we could come down. So it is settled. I emailed my hubby and told him we were going - and that we will talk later. His response was just "ok".

I am so looking forward to even the drive down. I am even willing to take my life in my hands and let hubby drive if he insists. I have felt the need to getaway for a few weeks - just tired of work, and routine. The past two weekends, after church, we have napped, watched a little tv (baseball games) and read. BORING. It's getting too hot to talk hubby into going for a walk.

I'm sitting in a meeting at the moment but we have a couple people who ramble... so while they are talking, thought I would try to get this written. That's the advantage I have of bringing my computer to the meeting. Of course I use it as well to answer emails and set up meetings. And eat. I ordered good food today - we have salad, rolls, fried/baked potatoes (cut up), rosemary chicken, and mmmm lasagna. And cookies for dessert.

And I can't eat most of it. My youngest son has become a distributor for a new program - and although he did not pressure me, I finally told him last week that I would give it a try. He gave me the 24 day challenge pak as a Mother's Day present and he asked me NOT to start it unless I was going to be committed to doing it. I started on Sunday, which means this is day 4. The first three days haven't been too bad.............

Day one - Sunday - I was able to stay on target easily enough. Had hubby grill a bunch of chicken and I prepped some meals for the week.

Day two - Monday. I'm at work. My day starts with a friend bringing me two Grandma cookies. I put them in my boss' and my snack box. Later that morning another friend gave me a chocolate chip cookie from Einsteins. I gave it away. Then a friend brings me a Green Tea - sweetened with high fruclose corn syrup. It's in my desk drawer. At 3:15PM a supervisor came by and offered me birthday cake. I resisted.

Day three - Tuesday. Offered a donut as I came in the door. Had a meeting lunch so only ate the salad and I had brought a piece of grilled chicken so had that with it. Then I'm told there is a potluck in the department by me - but I said no thank you. Then another department came and told me they were having a potluck and for me to come over and get... again I had to say no thank you. Then someone had birthday cake. AGAIN I had to say no thank you.

I have finally started telling people what I am doing so that they will NOT invite me to come eat - although I would be offended if they didn't ask me.... but for now, for these 24 days of challenge, I am really trying hard to be good.

and now we are at Day four. I had my shake this morning and I'm doing good - had a small snack this morning. Now I'm in this catered lunch meeting. The lunch of which I described above. I think I will be cutting back on food for the rest of the day. I don't want to get on the scale until Sunday. I'm trying hard to do this right.

My saying "I should have been born rich instead of just beautiful" still applies. It would be nice to be both. In the meantime...


Sunday, April 30, 2017

This new computer......

is driving me nuts. Of course I have to accept it, as it was a gift. Actually, I don't think it is the computer itself, it is the windows 10 that is on it. I DO NOT LIKE WINDOWS 10! I don't like Cortana or whatever her name is. I don't like the way Microsoft adds programs to my computer that I do not want. It irritates me that it won't stay the same size - I can be working on something and the screen size will change and I can't .... daggone - as I sit here and type - it has totally minimized my print - oh great - now the letters are going up and down! I have no idea what is going on. See what I don't like this windows 10? I loved my windows 7 and could get it to do most everything I wanted. I try not to even get on this computer because I dislike it so much. I wonder if my neighbor would delete windows 10 and add windows 7 for me.... he said that he could one time. I think I will talk with him about it. Oh and I cannot get it to download my photos from my phone - AND the shift key on the right side is one extra key over so I have to be careful whenever I hit it as I end up using the pg up key which is in it's place and my words then jump up on the page.

But on a good note.... my new great-granddaughter is so beautiful and is doing very well, as is my granddaughter. I got a new photo last week. Love it. Can't wait for them to come up so that I can hold her (although I know grandpa and I will be in a fight about it. sigh. I always seem to lose. I was trying to figure out today if there was a way we could go down....
It's Sunday and for some reason when we came home from church we both were exhausted - I think I slept an hour - and I'm pretty sure I woke him up at an hour and a half! Don't know why we both were so tired. We had talked yesterday about going to the home and garden show .... but of course here we sit watching baseball on tv.
Not that any one's life is perfect.

And with that, I've written enough. I still don't like this computer.